Dogs of War - HIATUS
by wereallie
Summary: They're sending her cousin, Clarke, and another 98 delinquents down to the earth to die. Julian Griffin foolishly agreed to her Aunt's Abby's request to follow Clarke to the ground. As if dealing with life on earth wasn't enough, she must also try salvaging her relationship with Clarke and maintain her relationship with Bellamy that was already falling apart. [BellamyxOC for now]
1. Tales From Before The Drop

**Chapter One: Tales From Before The Drop**

_**{Present}**_

"Julian, I wouldn't ask this of you if it wasn't the only option," Aunt Abby pleaded, her hands clasped to the sides of my arms as she pulled me into a secluded hallway, away from prying ears. She wasn't my biological aunt - she married my father's brother - nor did I call her 'Aunt Abby' in front of most people, but I still saw her as my real aunt, almost more like a mother. Hell, Aunt Abby and Uncle Jake took care of me most of my life, so it would be weird if I didn't. But, that still didn't make her request any easier to accept.

I shook my head. What she was telling me and asking me to do was crazy. Sending the delinquents down to earth, what the hell are they thinking? Her request was completely outrageous. I tried to keep my voice low and calm, but I couldn't, so my tone was harsher than intended. "But… You don't even know if it will be survivable down there. There's too many variables to consider." Pausing for a moment, I continued. "How could you do that to your own daughter and everyone elses children? They may be delinquents and criminals in the loosest of terms, but they're still people - still a member of this station. They should have a say in their own fate..."

The look that slowly appeared on Abby's face made me realize that I was whittling away at a sore spot with her. Seeing her features drop, seeing that she knew that all the council people and Chancellor Jaha were making a horrible choice, made me regret my harsh words, and yet, at the same time, I didn't. It was Uncle Jake all over again. If only I had spoken up even moments before he was floated, maybe he'd still be here. But I could save Clarke from her mother, save her from the fate that had been given to Jake and my parents.

"You know that I agree with all that, but listen Jules. I would go myself if it was possible but I can'. It would raise too many questions and the other civilians can't know about us sending the kids down. I need you, you're the only person I trust with Clarkes life."

"This is Uncle Jake all over again," I whispered as I felt the prickles of tears. "You're asking us to keep another secret that everyone should know about…"

Unconsciously my teeth held my bottom lip as I waited for my words to sink in, gently chewing on the delicate skin-a bad habit I had picked up when I was stressed and nervous. She was putting her daughters life and everyone else's in my hands. That was a big responsibility - if we survived the drop that is - and I wasn't sure I wanted it. Being groomed to be the assistant director of the nursery and preschool ward of the arc didn't really qualify me to be the protectors of the delinquent teens, nor did my role in helping Abby develop the wrist monitors. I was too young to handle all that, and far too broken of a person to control ninety-nine other teenagers. Being only twenty years old was far too young of an age to be attempting to control Clarke, who hated me, and the rest of the teens slotted to die. I could handle children, they were the easy ones, but I had no experience with teens. That though struck something with me. Tears started to fall and my voice cracked, "You're asking me to volunteer to die."

"Shush, no. Don't think like that," Abby cooed, taking my face in her hands. "There is a very good possibility that you might survive, and you know that we don't have much time up here. Don't let Jake die for nothing. Help me prove that there is a future on earth."

"Yeah, only if the ground isn't nuclear!" I shot back, although my voice was weak and held no anger. Using Uncle Jake's death was a low blow, and Abby knew it-her expression said as much. After his death, Jake became a sore subject between Abby and I, and for her to use his name, his memory, meant that this was a dire situation. My aunt was someone I looked up to and after having her take care of me for nearly 14 years, it was hard to deny her her request, regardless of how crazy I thought it was. But, accepting what she was asking meant I would be willingly leaving everything I had worked for behind, blindly walking to my death. I'd leave my job, my boyfriend, Abby: everything. And for what? An unknown future and a cousin that hated me with every fiber in her body? I didn't say it out loud but I was getting the shitty end of the proverbial stick.

"Do it for Clarke, Jules. You know she'll need you down there, even if she won't admit it right away."

* * *

_**{16 Years Earlier}**_

My family was a family of lineage on the Arc.

My grandfather was one of the first to be born here-his parents came from the ground during the nuclear war-but I never met him, he died of some sort of health issue that I never really asked about. When he was of age to marry and have kids, the Chancellor of that time had yet to implemented the one-child law, which was only implemented around the time my father and uncle were teenage-neither anywhere near ready to have children of their own. When the time came, it was my father that chose to have children first, a whole two years before Jake and Abby added Clarke to the family. When we were alone as a family, everyone was happy and forgot about the harsh opinions waiting to knock us down. As a family unit we were strong but individually we were weak, I being the weakest of us all.

Having family other than your immediate members created a red-hot target on your back for bullying. To survive it, I had to create a hard shell towards other peoples' harsh words, something a four year old couldn't to do. It wasn't until later, after the most horrifying thing happened to me, that I was able to develop that shell. Even as a child, I'd hear people voice their unhappiness about the privileged having siblings, about how they'd lost a family member for something small and insignificant. To a toddler, I didn't quite understand what was being said or why these people were saying such cruel things, but I did understand that the children did treat me differently.

The preschool ward was a mixture of children from as young as three to as old as need be. Clarke was only two at the time, so she hadn't left Abby's side yet, so I was alone in a mixture of children of various ages who called me 'stupid privilege'. I'm not sure if the preschool advisors over heard the mean words but if they did, they didn't do anything about it. But, this blind hate that people had for me because of my grandfathers doing, left me quite often to play by myself. More often than not my mother would come to the preschool ward and find me alone at a table, silently putting crayon to paper - inscribing my name as Jewlz - as the other children played in a group and the pediatric advisors supervised them. She would announce her presence, receive little acknowledgement from the advisors, collect me in her arms, and take me home. This was our routine.

One night, long past my bed time, I eagerly awaited my fathers return after his evening patrol shift, telling mom that I wouldn't sleep until dad was home and I could as him my question. Finally he walked through the door and mom ushered him into my room where I awaited patiently for him. He unbuttoned the front of his guard jacket and sat down at the end of the bed. "Hey Jules," He greeted me in the softest of voices, pushing away stray strands of blonde hair from my face. "Why haven't you gone to sleep baby girl?"

I scooted out from under the bedsheets and crawled to my fathers side. I stood up and rested my arm on his shoulder, trying to appear as serious as possible, not that a four year old is all that serious. Our blue eyes locked and I asked my question. "Why don't other kids plays with me?" I asked in my tiny toddler voice, unaware that this was an issue my parents had been discussing.

My father pulled in his lips, his expressing turning apologetic. He didn't say anything for a few moments. "It's because other people don't have family like we do." He stood up and helped me under the covers. That was it. That was all he said on the subject. "We'll talk about it in the morning…" He kissed the top of my head and left the room.

As I lay tucked in my tiny bed, I heard My mother's voice come from just beyond the slightly ajar door. "I didn't want this for her. She shouldn't have to worry about people hating her. She's only four years old." My mother's voice was weak and shaky by the last word, and I heard her choke back a cry.

I couldn't quite hear what was going on after my mom spoke, and after a few moments of silence, I heard dad speak. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry to her and to you," he apologized and went silent for a moment again. "I think we should homeschool her. At least until Clarke is old enough to go to preschool with her, so she'll have someone to keep her company."

There was silence and all I can remember is going to bed that night scared that I'd caused problems for my parents but also excited to stay home with them. We never did talk about my question the following morning or anytime after, but from that day forward till Clarke was old enough to go to preschool, my parents would alternate the days of who would stay home and who would do an evening shift. But, from that little interaction with my father, I told myself I'd never openly complain about something again. I didn't want to cause problems for people, so I'd rather be uncomfortable or upset than to bring problems to others.

* * *

_**{14 Years Earlier}**_

Even though people looked down at my parents because my father had a brother,

both my mother and father still went out of their way to help others.

My mother ran the cafeteria and would frequently dish out extra portions to parents struggling to provide for their children, or ordered for fresh soup to be made if she heard that someone was extremely ill-all at her own costs. And my father, he was part of the guards, frequently picking up patrol shifts around the cafeteria to help mom sneak extra food to the others. They were a team and they worked well together. But, even though they helped so many people - sometimes mom would give her entire meal tickets for the day to a family in need - everyone still saw them as the enemy, as the privilege who, to them, were treated better over all.

But what they didn't pay attention to was the sacrifice that my parents made for me over the next two years after I had asked them the question which resulted in me being homeschooled. Each day one would stay home while the other went to work and around dinner time or shortly before, they'd switch places. But, thankfully Clarke was only a few days away from joining the preschool ward and we'd be put together. Even though people despised my parents for a trait they projected onto them, i'll always remember my parents as the good, selfless people I knew they were.

I clearly remember _that day_ like no other, it being etched in memory like a rough drawing on a cave wall, to be remember for eternity. I was at school and it was shortly before lunch. Clarke and I were playing with something when my father and mother arrive unexpectedly, Uncle Jake and Aunt Abby lingering behind. To a 6-year old who didn't see how pained my parents looked, I was ecstatic for the impromptu visit. I ushered Clarke over to our waiting parents, first jumping into my fathers arms and then my mothers.

My fathers hug was firm and controlled, while my mothers was erratic and messy. She kept hugging me, then pulling away and pushing my untameable blonde hair from my face, then hugging me. I kick myself each time I remember those frantic hugs. I should have realized that something was wrong but I was horribly oblivious.

My parents pulled me from school that day and took me to the home of Abby, Jake, and Clarke. We ate a small lunch other, light conversation floating around the room, and if I'd been older, I would have been able to tell that the adults were trying their hardest to stay away from what would happen later that evening. Clarke and I sat side by side, our feet dangling from our chairs. Clarke was, surprisingly, only an inch or so shorter than I was at this point - she was catching up to me, meaning I wasn't growing quick enough. Us two cheerfully enjoyed the family meal, neither noticing the strained expressions coming from both sets of parents.

After everyone had finished their meal, the fake happy scene faded away. By now the table had been cleared and the dishes washed, all that was left was for my parents to bid farewell. My mother and father were no longer hiding their pain, both openly crying. Jake and Abby stood off to the side-mirrored expressions on their features-with Clarke in Jake's arms while they watched the last interactions that my parents would ever have with me. Much like myself, Clarke was too young to fully understand what was going on other than the obvious fact that everyone was sad. Very, very sad.

My parent's hugs were now both frantic, full of tight hugs and my hair being pushed from my face. I groaned and batted mom's hand away from my face. "Why are you touching me so much?" I asked with furrowed brows and crossed arms. "I haven't changed."

Mom parted her lips with the intention to say something, but it was cut off by a renewed sob. Dad put a supportive arm around my mother's shoulders, and instinctively she leaned into him. "No reason," dad said in a lower town than usual, voice just as emotional as his expression. "We're just… going away for a while. Okay?"

"How long?"

"A long, long time," dad whispered. He put his free hand against the side of my arm and gave a gentle squeeze. "Mom and I are going to need you to stay here with Uncle Jake and Aunt Abby, okay?"

"But why?" I asked in a usual toddler whiny voice, starting to feel confused and frustrated at how vague dad was being. "I like my own bed."

Surprisingly my mother spoke, "You need to be strong and brave for us, okay?" She fought back the tears and waited for me to respond.

I looked from my parents to my extended family and back again. "But why mommy?" I whined again. "I don't get it. Where are you going? Why can't we go home together?"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, startling everyone within the room. Jake handed Clarke to Abby and went to answer the door. Jake stepped aside as four guard members stepped in, my father's grey-haired commanding officer Sine included. I only recognized Sine from the few times i'd seen him in passing in the cafeteria when I was out with either of my parents. The faces of the other guards were flat, hard, and stern while Sine's was unreadable. No one - not my parents, or Uncle Jake and Abby, or any of the guards - looked pleased to be anywhere near Jake and Abby's living quarters. Without missing a beat, Sine stepped towards my parents. "Brian and Seana Griffin, I'm here to escort you to your ex-"

"Don't say it around the children," my father barked.

"I'm sorry," apologized the man, though his words had no substance to them. They were just words at this point. "You may have a few more minutes to say goodbye to those that won't be present during the… event."

"You say event like this is a show," mumbled my mother, standing and glaring at the older man. "It's a god damn murder."

Dad signed and gave my mother a look but it was too late, she'd pissed off Sine. "Murder? This is how we deal with people who break the rules," he announced. "It is not murder. This is justice towards those who break the law. And you two Griffins broke multiple laws, and im guessing you did multiple times. Criminals do not get to claim their floating is anywhere close to murder. You should have thought about all this-" he waved his hand haphazardly, "-before you dished out extra food portions and abused your position to cover up said distribution of extra food."

I tugged at the bottom of my parents' shirt. "What's happening? What's… floating?" My words caused Sine to step from the room, suddenly aware that him and the others were there to take a child's parents away from them.

Mom burst into tears and buried her face against my father's chest. Again he placed a protective and supportive arms around her. With pained eyes, he glanced down at me. Then, his arm dropped from around mom, and he squatted down to my level. "Jules." I still remember the last time he said my name, it rings in my ears on the worst of days. "Mommy and daddy tried to help people, but the chancellor didn't like that. Now, mommy and daddy have to go away because of it. Do you understand?" I shook my head. "Mommy and daddy are going to be sent outside because of their actions."

"Outside? But we can't leave the arc..."

"I'm sorry Jules. I can't explain it any different. Just remember, baby girl, that your mom and dad love you very, very much, and we wish with all our hearts that we could watch you grow up."

"Brian. Seana." Sine entered the room again, two pairs of cuffs in his hands. "You have to go."

My parents enveloped me in a group hug. I could feel their silent sobs, both shaking with the intensity of their pain. "Brian, Seana, come one." Jakes voice broke through but neither of my parents made a movie to let go of either me or each other.

Sine stepped forward and placed his hand on mom's shoulder, gently pulling. "Seana, don't do this."

Mom batted away his hand and turned towards him, glaring. "Don't touch me."

Jake stepped between Sine and mom. "Okay, just calm down here." He gave Sine a look and he backed away. Jake briefly glanced at Abby before squatting down next to us. "Hey, Jules, come here." Jake reached out and took my hand, gently tugging me towards him and gathering me in his arms. "Bry, Sean, come on. Don't do this."

"No!" Mom cried, trying to pull me back towards her.

Dad couldn't hide his tears any longer. "Seana, come on. Let Julian go," he pleaded with mom, voice cracking as he spoke.

"I don't want to," she sobbed. Just then, Abby came over, Clarke on her hip, and my mother stood up, turning into Abby. They had been friends for a while now, not just because of their husbands, but because they actually liked each other. I wouldn't find out that Jake and Abby didn't know about my parents hidden agenda to help the unhelped until years later.

Jake, with me on his hip, stepped towards his brother, my father, and brought him in for a one armed hug. I rested my head on dad's shoulder, my hand gently patting his back like Uncle Jake was doing. "I wish you had told me," Jake whispered. "Maybe this could have been avoided."

Dad didn't say anything right away. "There's no way to know now," he sighed. They pulled away from each other. Dad glanced over to me, hand cupping my tiny cheek. "You'll watch over Jules, right?" Dad asked, not looking away from me.

Jake nodded. "Of course, like she's my own."

Dad quickly gave me one last hug and patted Jake on the shoulder, then turned and faced Sine. He briefly paused to to hug Abby, and then accepted the cuffs Sine held out for him to wear.

It was moms turn. She was much shorter than Jake, reaching roughly only his chest, so he handed me to mom and she accepted, wrapping her arms around me, my feet dangling with little support. I wrapped my own small and stubby arms around her neck, my face nestled in the crook of her neck. Over the years, the memory of her smell has faded but every once in a while I remember how she smelled that day: husky yet fresh. "You stay strong baby," mom whispered into my ear. "When times are tough, just remember that I'll be watching over you always. You're my sweet girl and I will always be with you, even if you can't see me. I love you."

By now, even though I doubt my toddler mind could understanding the situation at the time, my eyes were stinging with my own tears. I didn't understand _why_ this was happening, but I still understood that my parents where going away and wouldn't come back. My tiny fists grasped small chunks of hair and my arms tightened slightly. "I don't want you to go anywhere mommy," I cried. "I want mommy and daddy to stay with me for ever."

"Sometimes life journeys aren't as long as others," mom answered. "But may we meet in another life, baby girl." Mom kissed the top of my head and passed me back to Jake. She stepped towards Abby, exchanging one more hug, and lightly rubbed Clarke's blonde haired head. "Remember to watch over my little girl, Clarke. She's going to need you to love her more, okay?" Clarke nodded. "Bye Abs. Thank you for everything you've done up till now and everything that you'll do for Jules. Please make sure that she get all our possessions once she's older. They're hers now."

Abby nodded, wiping away the rejuvenated tears. "I promise Sean. Julian will be fine here with us."

Mom nodded, the lump of emotion returning. Sine cautiously stepped towards mom and held out the cuffs. Mom responded with offering her own wrists. She refused to watch Sine place the cold locks around her wrists, she turned her gaze towards dad instead. Once the cuffs were securely on, Sine guided mom next to dad. Their hands were awkwardly linked together, but that didn't stop them from grabbing each others' hand and finding support from it. "We'll departing now. And if any wish to be present," Sine stopped and looked at Jake and Abby, who now stood side by side, each with a child on their hip, "We'll be at the designated floating bay."

Abby shifted Clarke to her other hip and turned to her husband. "You should go," she whispered. "He's your brother. You'll regret not being there one day in the future. I'll stay here with the girls, keep them occupied."

"I don't know," Jake sighed, looking down at me.

"You do know and you know that you need to be there. It will haunt you if you're not." It didn't take much more convincing from Abby for Jake to agree to follow my parents and the guards. Jake handed me off to Abby, who first placed Clarke in her government loaned highchair. Sine nodded, and indicated that they could leave now. Just as my parents passed through the door, they turned and looked over their shoulder.

"We love you baby girl," Mom yelled, "never forget our love."

"We'll always be there for you Jules," Dad yelled too, his voice almost draining out mom's.

"Mom!" I cried, the tears falling faster and hard, "Daddy!" I started to struggle to get out of Aunt Abby's tight hold, but she was stronger than desired. "Don't leave me!" I wiggled some more and I watched them fade away, the tears in my eyes making it difficult to see much. "I need you!" I cried out. "You can't leave me!"

Abby held me against her chest, stroking my hair as I cried out, the reality of what just happened hitting me hard. "It's okay. Everything will be okay, you'll see."

I struggled against Abby's tender hold. "No, I want mommy and daddy!"

As my cries started getting louder, Clarke started up too. Her cries were less about my parents circumstances and more because she was upset that I was upset. Abby sighed, sounding exasperated, and looked to Clarke. "Clarke, shush. It's okay." Abby continued to try and sooth me while pleading to Clarke to quiet down.

Finally, feeling that Clarke's cries needed more of her attention than my own distraught cries, Abby placed me on the worn couch. She placed a blanket over me. "Jules, I promise you it will be okay." She pushed back a stray piece of my messy light colored hair before turning her back on me and attending to Clarke.

Abby grabbed Clarke from her high chair and placed her on her hip. She calmed her daughter down and immediately noted the silence that filled the room. But, when she turned around to see if I'd fallen asleep from exhaustion, I was gone. Then, she noticed the door to their living quarters was wide open. "Julian!" Abby cried, running to the door. But, I was already long gone, racing through the hallways of the Arc, searching for my parents.

_**xXx**_

Having previously not known exactly what 'to be floated' meaning, it was surprising how I managed to find where it would take place. But, because I had no idea where the floatings took place, and I only managed to arrive moment's before the floating of my parents happened. The bay's doors opened with the usual woosh of all the Arc's doors, and I barely took in the surroundings, only looking for my parents. The moment the door slide open, everyone jumped and turned.

"Julian!" cried my parents, though their voice was muffled from the thick glass that separated them from me.

"Mommy! Daddy!" I ran towards them-time slowing down-and barging past Uncle Jake, who tried to stop me. I placed my small hands against the glass only seconds before Sine pressed the eject button. The last thing I remember noticing in the milliseconds before they flew out of the Arc, was their intertwined hands. At least they had each other in those few remaining moments before they were gone.

"How did she get here?" The Chancellor asked as I started to shriek uncontrollably. "Jake, take her away."

"Jules, come here." Jake tried to grabbed me but it just made me cry harder. I crumpled to the ground, batting away his hand before smacking the glass, hoping to shatter it like had just been done to my young heart. It didn't work and that just made me cry harder. I was still young enough that I didn't fully realize the severity of what I just witnessed, but I understood it enough that I was hurt.

Jake didn't wait long. He picked me up and attempt to console me-though I was no where close to being done crying-and we quickly left the floating bay. I have little recollection of the walk back to Jake and Abby's quarters-only the horror of watching the life be sucked from my parents, and their body being consumed by the void of space. I was told by Jake after, that even before we reached the door to their quarters, I had exhausted myself and fell asleep on his shoulder, and through the night - and even to this day - I cried out from the night terrors that haunted my dreams.

* * *

_**{10 Years Earlier}**_

It was my parents death that matured me beyond my years,

hardening me into a completely different person,

gaining a personality that a child of only ten years shouldn't have.

I began to distrust the Arc's officials,and became cold and distance to anyone who was not Jake, Abby, or Clarke-even acting aggressive and disruptive. My entire personality, demeanor, and attitude changed entirely. I'd become nothing but a shell of the young girl I was. Eventually, I pulled away from everyone, made no friends throughout school-I only wanted to be near Clarke. She was my security blanket after the death of my parents-and became hostile to anyone who tried to get closer. I didn't speak to very many people if I could help it, but I did overhear many conversations. Often it was those conversations that set me off.

But, before Bellamy walked into my life and chipped away at the steel shell I placed around my heart and my personality, I was an angry person. And that anger had a companion that helped it flourish: protectiveness. That protectiveness was often directed towards Clarke, as I feared she'd go through what I had. On numerous occasions I let those two qualities take over, getting me into trouble. By the time that I was forced into help, I'd gotten myself into numerous arguments about Clarke and my family, sometimes over the smallest things, and it wasn't long before the arguments turned to physical confrontations. A few times I'd even been put in lock up for a night or two, but the foul mood that had become my personality never went away.

On one specific occasion when I let my two most dangerous traits run wild, together they turned violent. It was one day at school, I was ten and Clarke and Wells were eight at the time of the incident. I was in the deepest pit of my self pity since it was close to the fourth year anniversary of my parents execution, and took my anger out on everyone else. I ignored the reason for my more severe change in moods and that only made matters worse. I didn't talk to many people about what I was feeling this period of my life, so all the strong and powerfully negative feelings that I felt at the time where just running rampant and I wouldn't control them.

One day while the three of us ate lunch, Clarke and Well were trying their hardest to include me in their conversation-something they tried to do every day to no success- when I heard whispers coming from behind me. The hatred I'd experienced as a young child hadn't ever really gone away, so I should have been use to the harsh whispers coming from behind me but I wasn't.

"I heard her parents where thieves," said one of them.

"They stole for themselves," agree someone else.

"All the Griffin's should have floated," sneered another followed by a childish giggle.

The memory of my parents was still a raw and open wound within my memories and on my heart, and the whispers acted like a stick being jammed into that gaping wound on my heart. Over the last four years the wound and memories had yet to faded into the usual dull ache that many claimed would happen for me - even with the support from my remaining family. I had kept myself in a pit of despair and actively made sure it was always present. So, when I heard the cruel words, they stung-the wound throbbing as if someone had jabbed it with a stick, irritating it. I heard a few more of their taunts and I quickly came close to erupting and confronting them.

"Jules," Clarke whispered. "It's just Murphy. He's a jerk."

"Just ignore him," Wells added.

"They can't talk about them, or us, like that," I shot back, without turning back to look at Clarke or Wells. I'd turned to look over my shoulder, glaring at the ones commenting about my family.

"What can you do? He'd hurt you," Clarke commented, voicing her concern. "He's dangerous…" I knew that Clarke was right, Murphy was only an eight year old, but he was still dangerous. It didn't surprise me when I found out, later on, that he'd been put in lock up until he was eighteen.

"I don't know, but if they keep it up…" I said, turning back to Clarke and Wells. I thought of what to follow up with but nothing came to me. "Well, I don't know what I'll do but it's something."

Unexpectedly, there was a tap on my shoulder. I spun around on the stool and came face-to-face with a snot covered Murphy and an expression that screamed he was up to no good which was plastered on his face. My expression darkened in a mischievous manner instantly. "Hey, older Griffin," he taunted, head nodding towards me. "When your parents were floated, I bet they exploded."

"You're one to talk Murphy," Wells shot back, coming to my defence. Wells and I weren't as close as Clarke and him, but we were friends- at least to a certain extent- and I appreciate him standing up for me.

"Well, she actually got to _watch_ them, which is-"

Murphy's annoying voice was cut off by a battle cry that erupted from my throat. I launched out from my seat, hands outstretched, waiting to get a hold of some part of Murphy. One hand clamped down on his left arm and the other gripped his almost too big shirt, curling into a fist with the fabric held in it. We toppled over in a tangle of limbs, but the moment we touched the ground, I scrambled up, pinning Murphy down under me.

All the anger, sadness, pity, self hatred, and fear came bubbling out of me as my fist made contact with Murphy's face. I only managed to get a few punches in before one of the supervising teachers came over and peeled me away off of Murphy. "Julian!" She shrieked. "Ive had enough of this, of your attitude lately. I'm taking you to the Chancellor!" After turning to Murphy and telling him that she'd deal with him later, the teacher yanked on my arm and dragged me from the lunch room. As we left the lunch room, I turned, searching for Clarke. She had a sad look on her features and gave me a small wave. Then my sight darted to Murphy and when he noticed, he stuck his tongue out at me. There wasn't much I could except glare. He'd won and I'd lost. I made sure to remember that.

**xXx**

I sat on a hard chair just outside Chancellor Jaha's office for what felt like an eternity. My arms were crossed across my chest, feet dangling from the chair, and a dark, brooding gare that consumed my features. Outwardly I looked unhappy but, on the inside, I was floating on air. The release of aggression, regardless of its appropriacy, felt euphoric. It was a much needed expression that had released years of pent up emotions. But, no one else enjoyed my display of strength - especially Murphy. And, I knew I shouldn't be happy about what I did to Murphy-the Arc was pretty strict about violence between civilians-and I knew it wasn't the right kind of emotional release that I needed, but it felt good to young me. But, my bliss only lasted so long.

The door slide open and in walked Chancellor Jaha, Uncle Jake, and Aunt Abby. I only gave them a brief glance, returning to my spot on the floor to glare at it some more. The three paused in front of me, and Uncle Jake and Aunt Abby knelt down, both now eye level with me. It was Uncle Jake who spoke first. "Jules…" I glanced away, giving him the cold shoulder. "Jules, come on." I still didn't turn back. "We just-"

"Jules. Why do you think you're here?" Abby asked, cutting Jake off-Abby was usually the enforcer where Jake was the heart. Looking back, I'm sure that he was soft on me only because I'd lost my parents and he'd lost his brother-I was his reminder of my father. When I didn't reply, Abby shifted and sat down in the chair next to me, placing a hand on my leg. This time her voice was softer, "We all know how tough these last four years have been for you, but that doesn't mean you can hurt another person with violence."

"Attacking someone is often punishable by lock up or floating, depending on the degree of the attack," added Thelonius. That caught my attention and my head shot up to look at him, my glare shifting from the floor to him. But, my glare quickly changed from anger to hurt. It was the threat of being floated that struck hard. Floating had become a triggering word for me and I hated the sound of it. Many time I wished that I wouldn't have to hear the horrid word ever again, but now that it was being used towards me, my despise for it was immeasurable.

"Thelonious," Abby and Jake yelled in unison, both turning towards him.

"Do you not realize it's things like that that have brought my niece to the current place she's in?" Jake said, his tone a bit harsher than one would typically use with a Chancellor, but that was benifit of being the Chancellor's close friend. "She doesn't need more threats, more scarring because of our cruel decision. She needs help, not more fear, Thelonius."

At this point I was close to tears and was trying my best to fight them back. Abby took notice of the tears pricking at my eyes, and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Jake, you're right," she said. She was quiet for a moment. "I don't want to do this but I think it's necessary."

"I can't do that, Abby," Jake replied-understanding exactly what Abby was implying without her having said it. He turned back to his wife and me. "I promised Brian that _I'd_ take care of her. I'm not going to let someone help her. I can do it."

Abby started to shake her head. "I don't think we can help her. The last four years have told us that. "

"But-"

"Jake. She'll only get better with this choice," Abby said softly, "And by getting her help, you're keeping true to your promise to Brian and Seana."

Jake's head dropped into his hand and he rubbed at his temples with his fingers. "I feel like I've failed Brian…"

Abby sighed. "Jake dear, You're making this about you and we would be focusing on Julian." She turned to look at me and gently wiped away the tears rolling down my cheek. "Jules. I know you know what you did was wrong."

I'd leaned against her shoulder, and I answered her statement with a nod and by rubbing at the remaining tears with the back of my hand. I really did know that punching Murphy was wrong, though i wasn't all that sorry about it. Murphy's words where just as wrong as my own actions, I was sure of it. "But, Murphy said-"

"It doesn't matter what he said, you don't respond by attacking another member of this Arc," Abby scolded, but I remained silent, knowing that it was best not to argue. "Now, I know these past few years have been very hard for you and we're going to help you."

I looked up, eye wide with concern, body starting to tremble because of nerves. "Am I getting locked up?" Suddenly, a terrifying thought wandered into my mind and my tiny body started shaking uncontrollably. In an almost silent whisper, I voiced my thoughts, "Am I getting… floated?"

Abby shook her head as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She briefly glanced at Jake, who also had his own tears forming. She brushed hers away, and pulled me to rest against her shoulder again, stroking my hair at the same time. "Oh no, sweet child," Abby whispered, "Nothing as extreme as that, but you're going to be home school again and you won't be coming home. You'll be staying in the hospital for a while."

"What? No! I don't want to," I yelled, pulling away from Abby.

"If you don't accept our help, I'll have to seek punishment on behalf of the other student you hurt," Thelonious pointed out, still not helping the situation.

"I-I…" There was nothing I could say that could explain what I was feeling. I didn't want to be away from Clarke, from the small piece of normality I knew within our tiny, shared room. I wanted to defend myself, tell them that I didn't want to go anywhere, that I would be okay if they just left me with Clarke, but something inside me kept me quiet. I didn't fight for my freedom.

"I'm sorry Jules. It's for the best," Abby said softly.

There wasn't much more to the discussion. Jake and myself left the Chancellor's office, my hand inside Jake's, and left Abby and Thelonious together to discuss something. Once we reached our quarters, I packed a bag of my essential items-toothbrush, pillow, sleepwear, etc.-along with the one sweater of my father's that i'd kept and my mothers necklace, which I placed around my neck and tucked it into my shirt. There wasn't much that I would need, so I zipped the small bag and turned to leave.

Clarke was standing in the doorway, tears rolling down her cheek, her chest heaving from her sobs. It took her a few moments to get her words out between her cries, "Why you leaving?"

Closing the distance between us, I placed my bag on the floor and pulled her into a hug. Seeing my cousin crying for me made me want to be the adult, to comfort her, even though I was sad on the inside, so I kept the emotions locked up for now. "Your parents want me to get better," I answered. "I'll be back soon."

Clarke wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," I told her, wrapping my arms around her

Abby came into the room shortly after, having returned from her discussion with Thelonious, making sure I packed the proper items, and we left thereafter. The walk to the care center was long and anxiety filled. I was scared about what would happen to me in there, of being so young and having to leave my surrogate family. I wondered what my time there would be like, and the thought frightened me, so I stopped thinking about that.

We walked towards the large, double sliding doors that were looming in the distance, and I paused just before entering. This was going to be my home for the foreseeable future. A part of me hoped I'd be out of there in no time, but another part of me knew it wasn't likely. I looked down each direction of the hallway before glancing towards Abby and Jake for support. They looked just as anxious as I did, which wasn't as assuring as I'd had hoped. I took Jake's hands and a deep breath. Then, I stepped through the doors, clutching my small bag to my chest while softly nibbling on my bottom lip at the same time - my nervous habit rearing his ugly head at the most inopportune time.

* * *

_**(5 Years Earlier}**_

The one thing that I was most thankful once I was released,

was that many people forgot about me during my time in the health care ward - out of sight, out of mind.

After being checked out, I was completely free from the past conception that people had of me, and I was okay with that. It was as if I'd managed to get a fresh start in amongst people who knew everyone. I had no friends outside of the care facility but I was okay with that too, I wouldn't change a clean reputation for all the friends in the world. I wanted to show these people the new me without them comparing to the me of five years earlier.

I left the care ward feeling refreshed, open, accepting, and, above all else, happy and well adjusted-at least to some degree. There was still a scar on my heart where my parents use to exist, but it wasn't open and all consuming. I'd had thorough help on dealing with their passing, and learnt to properly deal with the small ache that would always exist inside me - though, most of all, I had taught myself how to cover my true feelings, how to lock them away deep inside me and not let others see them. Essentially, I learned to hide. But, the ladies of the center had been extremely helpful and helped to pick a very broken me up when I needed it most. Even though I was able to deal with my emotions better now that I was older, the four years of harsh depression and anger had changed me completely. So, there still was some traits of that girl I once was, but she was tamed - At least, I thought she were.

During the time there, I had been 'home schooled' again like Abby said, but being in a calm and supportive surrounding, away from people who openly hated me because of my family, I flourished exponentially. I had advanced through school faster than someone my age, skipping two whole grades. Meaning, I was close to graduation at only age fifteen. Now that I had left the care center, I was required to re-enroll in proper school but I wouldn't be joining the people I'd schooled with five years ago. I was being placed ahead of them all in the graduating class. To say that I was anxious to be in that setting again was an understatement.

While I was in care, Jake and Abby each visited me at least once a week, but it was Clarke and Wells who visited most often. There wasn't much to do in my designated room at the center, but the three of us usually managed to find something to do. Sometimes we read books, told stories that we'd make up on the spot, sometimes Clarke would bring in her art supplies and we'd watch her create something beautiful from nothing. But, more often than not, we'd take turns playing Wells' chessboard that his father had picked up for him. I wasn't very good at the game, so I watched Clarke and Wells battle it out, yet I enjoyed it nonetheless, just being with them made me happy. And, the odd time I'd help them with their homework as a thank-you for coming to see me. It was within these few long years that I actually managed to create some sort of friendship with Wells, beside just the mutual association with Clarke that we shared. At this point I actually considered him a real friend, someone I'd be sad to lose-not that I hoped it would happen for a very, very long time.

As I stepped through the care facilities doors for the first time in many years, I saw the pair eagerly awaiting my exit. "Jules," they yelled enthusiastically, running towards me and enveloping me in a group hug. And, it was my light laughter that caused them to break that hug.

"It's so nice to hear that, especially out here," Clarke commented, a bright smile pulling at the corners of her lips as she spoke.

"It's nice to be on this side of the doors," I cheerfully replied, although I wasn't sure how sincere it was.

"We're glad to _see_ you on this side." Wells pulled me into one more hug, Clarke following after him.

After the two hugs, I looked around, taking a deep breath. I recalled the last time I'd stood in this hallway, a broken child, a shell of who I was and who I could be, but now I stood here stronger than before and, I hoped, ready to face the questioning looks of the others living on the Arc. Nothing much had changed outside the care facility: I saw the same metal walling as I'd seen before, the familiar low buzz of power surging through the Arc, millimeters behind the walling, and the dim glow of the overhead lights. The Arc had stayed constant, instead it was I that changed while locking behind the care centers doors.

"Come on space cadet," Clarke teased and grabbed my hand, her fingers lacing with mine. "Let's get you home and ready for tomorrow. Besides, Mom and Dad are waiting for you!"

**xXx**

That night after dinner and getting washed up, I crawled into my own bed for the first time in many years, but anxiety found a way to wrap it cold, haunting hands around me, making it so I couldn't really enjoy the feel of my own bed. Once dawn approached, I'd be thrown back into the life that was incredibly toxic for me, so it was reasonable that I felt the tight grip of anxiety as I layed down on the same bed, in the same room I use to share with Clarke. The only difference from then and now was that I was a completely different person: a mix of the small and frightened child, and the angry and physical child. My time in the care ward helped to blend the two being together, but I didn't know if the unison between the two halves of me would continue to coexist outside of the care ward. I was definitely a happier, calmer person, but with the threat of the anxiety inducing experience of tomorrow looming in front of me, I wasn't sure that all would continue to exist.

Everything muddled together as I tried to fall asleep-all my worried forming into one big wad of anxiety and dread that sat uncomfortable on my chest, making it difficult for me to fall asleep. As I lay curled up on my bed, back towards the center of the room, my thoughts traveled to the two people who were missing from my life. The horror scene of their floating was seared into my memories, even managing to implant onto the few happy memories that I could actually remember. Thanks to the old Chancellor's decisions, I'd lost my parents, tainting everything that reminded me of them. These feelings towards my parents was the only thing about me that my time with the care center couldn't fix. I tried desperately to think of warm and happy thoughts, but my nerves were running rampant and they wouldn't let me think of anything else. These thoughts refused to let my mind rest, keeping me awake until the first light of day crept into the room.

**xXx**

That morning, Clarke had to drag me from underneath the covers as I protested. She grabbed my hand and forcefully pulled me from my warm cocoon. "I just need to stay here," I groaned, the words muffled by my pillow and quilt. "I'm not ready for school… I need more time."

"But you have too Jules," Clarke pleaded, tugging on my hand and shaking it when I wouldn't let her pull me off the bed. "If you don't get out of bed and go to school, you'll be put back into the center."

Her words hit home, and through her tone of voice - hints of desperation and fear breaking through her tiny voice - I could tell that Clarke was worried about me. I let myself go limp, stopped fighting against Clarke's pull, and let her drag me from the toasty-warm bed. I landed on the cold, hard floor with a loud thump. "Fine. I'm up."

"Thank you," she whispered before throwing an outfit onto the bed.

I pulled myself up and off the floor and crawled back to my bed, although I did not dive under the incredibly inviting covers. I held up the shirt and examined it. This was definitely not one of mine, but it was very close to my size. And Clarkes. I turned around with the shirt still held up. "What's this? Is it yours?"

A mischievous smile pulled at Clarke's lips. "Just something Wells and I picked up for you," she answered with a casual shrug, then turned and headed to the door. With a hand resting on the door frame, she paused. "You never know what will happened today, maybe something special... And, we thought it'd be nice to have something new. I'll leave you to get changed."

I stared wide eyed at the closing door. A warmth washed over me and simmered in my chest. I really loved Clarke and I was glad that she was still willing to stand beside me-even though it wasn't a guarantee that I'd make it back in the 'real' world. Little things like this reminded exactly how important Clarke was. I hoped that we'd never lose each other, never be pitted against each other. Oh how I was wrong.

I turned my attention back to the shirt and stood up. Holding it up, I examined it. The shirt was as new as one could get on the Arc, there were barely any rips or smudges or stains at all. The yellow color had yet to fade and was almost as vibrant as a sunflower-well, the sunflowers in books. Bringing the shirt up to my face, I quickly inhaled it's sense. It smelt freshly laundered too! "Thank you Clarke," I whispered and started to change.

A few minutes later I emerged from the room, dressed in the new yellow shirt, my usual black jeans, and the Arc standard boots. I was just slipping a light sweater on when Abby and Jake entered the room. "Clarke already left, but either one of us can take you this morning," Jake offered.

I shook my head, suppressing the anxious feelings that started to form when the reality of this morning hit me. Even though I was trying to be strong in front of Uncle Jake and Aunt Abby, I was completely anxious. I could feel the anxiety running through my body. It had taken hold of me as I dressed and realized exactly what I was doing. I was getting ready to walk into the snake den. I was willingly putting myself in a situation that would cause me more anxiety. But, I was a big girl, I could handle myself. I knew that was a lie but I still told myself I was strong. "No," I answered weakly. "I-I can go by myself."

The two adults shared a quick concerned glance, silently debating if they would let me go alone. "Alright. But if its too overwhelming, just ask to be sent to the medical ward," Abby offered.

I nodded and thanked Jake and Abby for their offer, and hurried out of the room into the nearly silent corridor of the arc. Once the door _whooshed_ close, I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall beside it. It took a few tries and multiple deep breaths to peel myself away from the metal wall, subduing the anxiety within me. Finally I started walking. I was so nervous, so focused on putting one foot in front of the other, that I didn't noticed my fingernails digging into my palm, a slight trickle of blood following behind me.

It took me a little longer than I had liked to find the school ward, and once I did I wished that Clarke had waited for me. I was now late for class and it already started. Thankfully my hand had stopped bleeding half way through my walk. I peered around the corner, glancing through the glass door at the class I'd soon join. All the students were intently watching the teacher as she spoke. I gulped down the bubble of fear that formed in my throat and stepped in front of the door. The familiar sound of the door opening caught the attention of the entire classes. As their eyes turned onto me, the bubble that I fought back threatened to erupt. I steadied myself and stepped inside.

"Nice of you to join us," greeted the teacher, sounding very displeased. "Please take your seat at the back."

I followed her head nod and noticed the one empty chair. I shuffled over and fell into the chair, causing a couple of people to glance my way. I looked at the two people I was sandwiched between but my eyes stopped at the tall boy next to me. Although he was sitting down, you could still tell that he was taller than the rest. His body language was reserved, his folded arms made that very clear, but when he noticed me inquisitive star, he sent a weak smile my way and his cold exterior momentarily disappeared. Suddenly I started to feel weird. I didn't know what was happening and it started to freak me out. I had no experience with _feelings_ so I didn't realize that was what I felt, but that one smile was all it took for my first crush to develop.

"Miss Julian," snapped the teacher, dragging me away from my new found discovery of warm feelings. "You're new and this is your first day here, but please pay attention."

I muttered an inaudible 'sorry' as a blush started to burn my cheeks, and flipped open my note book.

A muffled laugh caught my attention. "Her bark is worse than her bite," he whispered. "If you look like you're paying attention, you'll be okay."

"Blake!"

Blake stifled another laugh before apologizing. The class continued on, and Blake and I fell into silence. Eventually, we were instructed to split off into pairs to discuss the current history topic and answer a few question about it. I saw awkwardly as the class split off into their pairs. It was the middle of the year, so it was understandable that people flocked to the people they knew, not the new girl that sat awkwardly at the back of the class. "First days are rough," Blake called out, catching my attention. He saved my delicate psyche from being crushed. "We can pair up."

I turned to the tall boy beside me, his piercing stare catching me off guard. The words wouldn't form so all I could do was nod. He shuffled closer to me, and placed the student tablet between us. Watching him glide the tablet pen over the touchscreen, I noticed he wrote down a different name than the teacher had called him by.

"Is Blake a nickname for…" I leaned closer and read what he wrote, "Bellamy?"

Again the boy laughed, but it struck me hard. Right away I felt like I had messed up and the cold tentacles of anxiety started to wrap around me. He noticed my panicked expression and stopped laughing. "No, not quite. My last name is Blake and my first name is Bellamy."

"Oh…" I looked away, feeling embarrassed about my mistake.

"Don't worry about it. If you want, I guess you can just call me Blake," he offered. "Julian. Is that your last name?"

I shook my head, nervous to answer. "First."

"Did you know that its a name derived from Julius Ceasar?" Bellamy asked with forceful enthusiasm.

Surprisingly, I did know this. "I do!"

"Wow," Bellamy whispered with a small smile. "There aren't many people who care to learn that far back..."

I shrugged. "I had a lot of free time, so I looked up my name."

Bellamy smiled as he shifted closer. Suddenly I was hyper aware of how much bigger he was then me. I was small for my age, and Bellamy seemed bigger for his age, almost more mature, and it was slightly overwhelming. "Well, Julian, I think we'll make a good pair."

I just smiled since I didn't know what to reply with. As he started answering the history questions, I watched Bellamy with intense curiosity. He seems happy-no joyous- about the questions placed in front of him. His happiness was infectious, causing a small smile to pull at the corners of my lips and the unknown butterflies started to flutter.

I didn't realize right then, but I was infatuated with Bellamy right from the beginning. We were great together, Bellamy and I. It didn't take many subtle-or not so subtle-glances at each other, or history study sessions, or "impromptu" meals in the cafeteria for us to come together. It was fast but for someone like me, someone who was completely pulled away from everyone except for Clarke, it was just slow enough that I wasn't scared or pulled away. Most of all, I was happy that I had found someone to rely on other than just Clarke. And Bellamy helped me chip away at the steel shell that was around my heart and I. I'll always love him for that.

* * *

_**{1 Year Earlier}**_

I always thought that Clarke and I would be together until the end of our days.

So I never expected she could hate me so much.

It all started around the time that Uncle Jake started behaving differently. He would leave late at night and come home in the wee hours of the morning. But, the most particular time was when we-us griffin's and the Jaha's-were busy watching an old soccer game together. I was seated between Uncle Jake and Clarke, and Well and Thelonious were to our right. The old game screeched to a halt as one of the players made a goal, not that I was really paying attention-I was too caught up in the history book that Bellamy had given me.

Just as the cheering settled down, I heard the door creak open, and Aunt Abby announced her self. "Hi Aunt Abby," I greeted with a smile, turning around in my seat.

"What did I miss?" she asked, her own bright smile following.

"Your husband and daughter being annoying," Thelonious teased, "And Julian is ignoring us…" While there was nothing that Thelonius needed to do about my existance because my dad and Uncle Jake were born before the single child rule was implemented, he still didn't like stating that I was their niece-even behind closed doors. Thelonious was Jake's friend but he was still the Chancellor and he took that role very seriously.

Abby laughed. "Play nice Thelonius."

Everyone turned back to the ancient game on the screen, and I glanced back down at my book. I was only vaguely aware of Abby coming to stand behind Jake. When she romantically wrapped her arms around his shoulders, I tried really hard not to eavesdrop on their conversation. I focused on the words on the page, '_The Kofun period is the oldest era of recorded history in Japan; as the chronology of its historical sources tends to be very distorted, studies of this period require deliberate criticism and the aid of archaeology.'_

"That systems analysis that you asked for…"

There was no real reason why that caught my attention but for some reason it did. Uncle Jake went uncharacteristically silent, a stark contrast to how he'd been just minutes ago before Abby returned home. I split my attention between the book-although I wasn't really taking in what I was reading-and the couple beside me. With a brief glance down at his watch, Jake stood up, my gaze following his movements.

"What? You're going now?" Abby asked, only silenced by the kiss that Jake placed on her lips.

That caught Thelonious' attention. "Everything okay?"

"Uh, oh, yeah. You know this old boat, there's always something," Jake answered, trying to sound humourous. He slipped out the door. Glancing over at Aunt Abby, I watched her expression change from subtle disbelief to confusion. I could only guess that we shared the same thoughts: what was so important about that system analysis.

I turned back to the book in my hands, attempting to re-read the passage I'd read, but I just continued to pass over the same sentence over and over again. The way that Uncle Jake had grazed over Thelonious' question was odd. Usually, when Jake was dealing with some sort of technical problem and was asked about it, he'd go into full description, often giving too much information so that you couldn't follow along. His behaviour was so different. I narrowed my eyes at the words on the book, debating Uncle Jake's actions for a few minutes more before Clarke nudged me, repeating some question she'd just asked.

**xXx**

A few nights later, I was coming home from seeing Bellamy-something had changed in Bellamy and he'd become a different person, putting strain on our relationship-when I walked pass Clarke hiding in the shadows casted by the ajar door to Uncle Jake's work room. Head tilted from confusion, I stepped towards my cousin. "Hey Clar-"

"Shush!" she scolded in a harsh whisper. "Get over here…" She grabbed my hand and brought me to the wall she was leaning again, covering my mouth at the same time. She nodded her head behind her, indicating the door behind her. I calmed down and tried to listen to what was being said inside the next room.

"We need to let everyone on the arc know about this and come up with a solution."

"What? And risk anarchy? No, it's too dangerous!"

"Obey the councils order's, that you'll keep it quiet… Promise me. I can't lose you like we lost Brian and Seana..."

I glanced back at Clarke, my expression reflecting my confusion and pain at hearing my parent's name, and she just shook her head. Her hands dropped from my mouth and she leaned against that wall beside me without making a sound. Clarke's features dropped and she started to look heartbroken. I felt my own features mimic hers, the corners of my lips turning downwards and my brows knitting together. I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze for support. We started listening against..

"I _am_ doing this for both Clarke and Julian…" The mention of my name made the whole conversation more personal, despite not knowing what the core problem was.

There was the sound of shuffling and silence filled the room for only a beat. "They'll float you Jake…" My jaw dropped, taking in how serious all of this was and surveyed Clarke's reaction. Her eyes were starting to glisten as the tears formed and, if possible, frowned even harder. "If you do this, I won't be able to stop it. Just like Brian and Seana. Jake, do you want to do to Clarke what they did to Julian?"

By now, my own tears had started to form and threatened to fall. I opened my mouth to say something, ask Clarke what they were talking about, why Jake was going to be floated, but the words wouldn't form. My mouth slowly closed. I just didn't know what to say, and I turned away. Hearing even just the hypothetical possibility of Jake being floated shook me to my core. I still had issues when it came to my parents' floating, and now it was all being brought back to the surface. I couldn't lose another family member. I didn't think I'd be able to survive it again. Uncle Jake was important to me. I saw my own father in him and losing him would be like losing my father all over again. Even though my own feelings were starting to consume me, my usual worry for Clarke broke through my own selfish thoughts. As subtly as possibly, I wiped away the tears and turned to Clarke with the intention of comforting her. "Clarke…"

"Come on." Without looking at me, Clarke pushed pass and headed towards our still shared room.

Once the door was securely shut behind us, I demanded answered. "What was that about? What's going on? Why is there a possibility that Uncle Jake will be floated?" My composure quickly faded with each word released from my lips.

Clarke had a determined frown on. It looked like it she was struggling with the words or if she was going to answer. "There's something wrong with the arc. Dad found out about it and wants to tell everyone."

I shook my head. "But… Aunt Abby said, people will be hysteric. No matter what you tell everyone, they'll just think that we're dying and it will be chaos."

"But we shouldn't hide it from them," Clarke stressed. "Everyone has a right to decide their fate. And, maybe someone can think of something…"

"I don't know about that Clarke…" I shifted awkwardly, almost pulling from Clarke. We'd never disagreed on anything before and I wasn't sure how she'd react. I wanted to agree with her but something just wasn't sitting right with me when I thought about what the arc would be like if they knew that the arc was broken-that this might be the end to our life up here. That just screamed disaster.

Clarke took a step closer, her determination still showing, and I took a step away. She reached out and grabbed my hands, pulling me closer. "No matter where you stand. You can't tell anyone, okay? _We_ can't be the reason that he gets in trouble."

**xXx**

After my secret discussion with Clarke, everything happened so quick.

The next morning, instead of going to meet Bellamy, I followed Clarke to the common's room to meet Wells. I've always wondered if I had passed on that particular chess session with them, or if I hadn't come home the night previous, that maybe Clarke and I would still be okay, still be as close as we once were. Or, maybe Jake would still be around. There were so many questions and what-if's that continued to plague me, and I was sure it would never stop weighing on my soul.

As Clarke and Wells sat across from each other, I zoned out, replaying the conversation between Abby and Jake. There had to be some way that everyone got what they wanted, I just couldn't figure it out. But, I was pulled from my dangerous thoughts when Wells kicked my leg from his side of the table. "Jules, what's up with you and Clarke."

I looked between the two, mouth open to say something. "Uh, nothing-I mean, I don't know…"

Wells looked unsatisfied. "Jules, you're horrible at lying. Do you know that?"

"Fine," Clarke sighed, "I'll tell you, just stop talking about me as if I wasn't here." Clarke shifted in her seat, taking a look around the noisy room, making sure that no one was listening in on the conversation. Satisfied that no one would overhear, Clarke leaned inwards, her gaze focused on Wells as she told him the secret that we shared. "My dad found a problem with the oxygen system. I'm-we're not suppose to know." Clarke motioned between her and myself.

With a lighthearted tone, Wells tried to brush away the seriousness of Clarke's words. "They've had other malfunctions. They always figure out a way to deal with it."

Clarke looked down at the chess pieces. "No, I don't think this one is fixable."

"Clarke, your dad's amazing at his job. He'll think of something," I added.

"I don't know…" Clarke sighed heavily and looked back to Wells. "It's just… The council doesn't want anyone to know."

"The council…" Repeated Wells, going silent for a moment as he examined that word in his mind, thinking about what it meant. "What you really mean is my dad doesn't want anyone to know..."

I shook my head. "It's not just him."

"My mom, the other members…" Clarke went silent again, the words taking their toll on her.

"There's more." I wasn't sure why I was offering up so much information, considering this was mostly about Clarke's dad and she should be the one to tell Wells, but I hoped that if he knew, then maybe we'd be able to think of something to help.

Clarke glanced over at me, and I could tell from her single glance that she wasn't sure if she should tell her best friend what her father was up to. The determined but strained look on her features told me she'd made a decision. "I think he's going to tell everyone regardless."

Wells' eye grew wide and he leaned closer, his voice dropping exponentially. "He can't do that. You two need to stop him. He'll be floated."

"I know," cried Clarke in just a whisper.

"We're trying." I felt like a fish out of water as people use to say. I had no idea what to do. I could only sit there and listen to Clarke explain to Wells how dire of a situation her father was in. There was almost nothing I nor Clarke could do. We were young, no one would listen to us, and Jake was an adult, he could make his own decisions. What could two young girls, one barely making a life for herself and another still learning and underage.

"Don't people deserve to know the truth?" Clarke asked, her stare pleading for Wells to give her an answer she could live with.

"There more to consider than just the truth, Clarke," I offered. "Sometimes, people don't react well with the truth. I wished I hadn't know the truth about my… parents." I'd never told anyone that and, even though it was just a small truth, it felt great getting a secret about that off my chest. The truth and reality were hard for people to deal with, to compartmentalize. They fixate on the darkness and have a tough time finding the light in most situations. Maybe Abby and and Wells' dad were right, the general population shouldn't know-at least not yet.

Clarke shot me a displeased glare. She wanted me to side with her and Jake. Even if she didn't say it out right, I could tell that's what she wanted most. But, her expression softened again and she looked back to Wells. "You have to promise me, both of you, that neither will say anything about this to anyone."

"I won't," Wells declared. "You're promise is safe with me."

**xXx**

The next evening, I sat alone in our shared room, going over the work I needed for the following morning. I'd been working part time with the communications department and part time in the monitoring station. Thanks to my excelled academic career, I had had some time after I was done with basic learnings to learn some extra skills and that led me to electronics and communications. I had a helping hand in designing a station wide monitoring device that helped monitor the overall health of the station and the health of the citizens-and, later on, I help to develop the wrist monitor I'd eventually wear. I was going over some final details over some new idea they had for a monitoring system when I heard Clarke's raised voice.

"Dad!"

Clarke's panicked voice sent alarms off within me, and within seconds I was scrambling off of my bed, racing into the main room. "Clarke, what's-"

I was shocked into petrifaction. I was frozen in my place as I watched the guard force Uncle Jake's wrists into a pair of cuffs. My eyes searched the blue sea of guards for Clarke. She was there, I knew she was. I spotted her blonde head, noticed how she struggled against the guard's tight hold.

The scene before me, the guards holding and arresting what little family I had left, brought a painful memory to the surface. Images of my parents good bye exploded in my mind, bringing tears to my blue eyes. It was so similar and overwhelming that I felt the ugly tingles of a panic attack start to set in. I heard Clarke call my name but I didn't move. I didn't respond. I was reliving the nightmare of my parent's last day. What made things worse was this was the exact same room that I'd last felt their comforting touch, and now I was watching the man who was my father figure be carted away in a pair of cuffs-exaclty like my father.

"Let me go!" Clarke's voice penetrated by downward spiral. I watched her struggle against the men, so close to tears, and I knew exactly what she was feeling.

Pushing my own dark thoughts aside-over the last few year's I'd gotten quite good at ignoring my own dangerous thoughts in favour of thinking of Clarke, which was easy when it came to her. She was my cousin and the one person that I'd do anything for, no, Clarke was more than just a cousin, we were sisters at this point. I ran to Clarke's side. I grabbed the elbow of the man closest to me, and started shaking. "Get off her. Let go of her!" I demanded of them.

Clarke broke free of her guards, using their distract caused by me to get away, and ran to her dad, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'll warn them. I'll find a way!"

"Clarke, no! No Clarke. Listen to me, Clarke. Don't do that." Jakes expression changed from worry over his daughters safety to worry over his daughter's future actions. He was a father, and as much as he wanted the arc to know about the air problem, he didn't want his daughter to get in trouble, and anyone could tell simply by the change in his expression. I know it's selfish of me, but seeing Jake's fatherly expression, I wished my father wasn't dead, that I got to experience that fatherly love, and-deep inside me-I wished it was had been someone else's parent's that got floated that day. I tried not to acknowledge the thought of who I wanted to replace my father and mother, but I just couldn't.

Clarke was going to hate me if she ever knew what I'd thought about in that moment. I was a horrible cousin. A horrible person. I didn't wish for her father's safety or that this would all be forgotten. No, I wished for the complete opposite. I was a monster and I couldn't help myself. I wanted someone else to feel my pain. I cared for Clarke so much yet I wished her the pain that I still felt.

The guards grabbed onto Clarke once again, pulling her away from Jake, and he was dragged from the room. "No!" she cried. "Let me go."

I went to Clarke's side and pulled her to me, holding her as she started to sob, crying out for her father. Only once did she try to pull away and run after him but when she realized I wasn't going to let go and that one of the guards was still holding onto her arm, she stopped and fell into my arm. Her arms were wrapped around my waist and she buried her face in the crook of my neck, her tears tickling my skin. As I held her, I started to loathe myself more and more. I didn't deserve to be loved by Clarke, be the person she turned to. I was horrible.

As Clarke continued to cry on my shoulder, I fought my hardest to keep the dark thoughts at bay. I needed to be

**xXx**

I held Clarke for a good long while, eventually both of us sinking to the floor when our legs couldn't hold us up any longer. I had to be the strong one for Clarke-even though I too was breaking inside-and I could not let myself cry. I wanted to, Jake was so important to me and, really, I didn't want this to happen to him. I had hoped he would change his mind about his announcement-I didn't really want to see him float. I couldn't be that heartless…

Noticing that Clarke tears had subsided, I looked down. Her face was contorted as she stared back at me, anger underlining her inquisitive expression. "How did they find out? He hadn't told anyone yet. He just recorded his video…" Clarke questioned, her voice quickly sounding histeric. "How did they know?"

I shook my head and pushed back a stray chunk of her hair. "I don't know Clarke. I really don't know…"

Clarke thought about that, her mind working at top speed, trying to deduct exactly who sold her father out. "I have to go. I have to bet here…" Clarke suddenly pushed away from me and bolted up, instantly at the door. "I have to see him."

Before she could get even one foot out the door, I grabbed her wrist and squeezed tight. "No, Clarke. You don't want to be there. You'll never be able to unsee it…" I warned her, speaking from very real experience. My words where true. When ever I wasn't on guard, the memory of my parents being sucked backwards out of the arc continuously popped into my mind, plaguing my life with heartache.

"I'm stronger than you, Julian. I'm not a baby and I'll handle it, but I have to see him. I have to apologize…"

There was nothing I could do for Clarke nor could I hold her back. It was her choice. I may not have liked the idea of her going through the exact same thing I went through when I was six, but I wasn't going to let her watch her dad's death by herself. I shut the door behind me and chanced after Clarke.

**xXx**

We burst through the floating bay's door just in time. A quick scan of the room told me we'd arrived just in time. Clarke ran to her dad, Abby protesting the neither of us should be there. She threw her arms around Uncle Jake's neck, and he protectively wrapped his around her, lifting her slightly off the ground. Feeling guilt about my earlier thoughts, I felt like I shouldn't be apart of the family hugs, so I moved off to the side, standing next to Wells. "She wants to know how they found out…" I whispered while watching what was left of my family. "Do you know how they found out about his intentions?" Wells turned to me a very serious look on his face. "You do don't you."

Wells slowly nodded.

I was about to ask him who it was when my name was called. "Julian."

I turned away from Wells and looked at Uncle Jake, his intense gaze making me go rigid. "Come here," he asked and I did so.

He wrapped me in a similar hug. "I'm sorry that you have to see this again," he whispered. "But make sure Clarke's okay, okay? Watch over her for me? She'll need you."

I couldn't get any words past the lump that had formed in my throat. And as I wrapped my arms around his waist to return his hug, all my jealous and evil thoughts vanished. I didn't want Uncle Jake to go anywhere. I wanted him to stay alive, to never go anywhere. I was looking my father figure and it hurt just as much as it did to lose my real dad. "I-I'll try," I gasped, barely getting the words out.

"Thank you. I'll say 'Hi' to your mom and dad for you…"

"Jake. It's time." Thelonious' words cut into me. It was all too real, and it continued to bring up my memories of my father and mother. This was the same room I had last seen them in, and moments after they'd been released into the killing void of space. All I could remember of that night was Uncle Jake's strong and protective arms gathering me into his arms, whisking me away from the horror. I wished I could return the favour.

Jake kissed the top of Clarke's head, hugged Abby one last time, and tenderly cupped my cheek. "I love you kiddo's," Jake whispered to both Clarke and I. I remained quiet, and Clarke managed to squeak out the same words.

With one last squeeze of our hands, Jake stepped backwards, moving into the ejection pod. He made sure to face us as the glass doors slid close. Abby wrapped her arms around her daughter and I stood by myself. I wanted to be held by Abby but I still felt guilty. Maybe my wish had come true, maybe this was punishment for me being selfish. I hated myself. Finally, only mere moments before his death, I felt the wet tears roll down my cheek. I had finally let myself cry.

The horrendous sucking sound announced the ejection, and in a blink of an eye, Uncle Jake was gone. I turned away, the sight of the empty chamber becoming too much to bare. I covered my face with my hands, the tears pooling in my palms. I'd let this happened. I could have done something. Anything…

"It was you, wasn't it?"

Caught of guard, I remained still for a moment with my eyes wide from shock, processing the harsh words that came from behind me. I looked over where Wells was supposed to be, but he was already gone. Feeling deserted, I turned towards Clarke, her words still ringing inside me. _It was you. You. _"What?"

Clarke looked furious and destroyed. The tears were streaming down her cheeks. "This is all your fault Julian! Yours and Wells'," she accused, her cheeks burning red with anger.

My tears started to form fast as I was cut into with a verbal knife. I couldn't believe I was hearing these words come from her. We were a pair, Clarke and I. Cousins turned siblings. I protected her and she helped me through tough time. I leaned on her for support and she did the same. How could she say this to me? But, I couldn't keep my feelings to myself. I had to let her know I was hurting just as much. "You don't think this is hurting me too?" I asked, stepping closer, starting to feel angry myself. I ignored the small part of me that said '_you wished for this_'. "I just watched the man-who raised me-be floated from the same chamber my parents were floated from. And need I remind you, I've already watched and lived through this once before. I did _**not**_ want this Clarke. Never." That was the first and only lie I'd ever said to them, but I couldn't admit it to her nor Abby-not yet. I couldn't have them hate me. We needed each other right now.

"Clarke. Don't do this," Abby whispered, holding onto her daughter. She shot me an apologetic look.

But she ignored her mother's request. "Well, you got what you've secretly always wanted," she snapped. "My dad's gone, Julian. Just like yours. You always hated it that my parents were still around, didn't you? Now you've got your wish. I know how it feels. I hope you're happy."

I felt so betrayed. So destroyed. The one person I loved so much-even more than Bellamy-was accusing me of doing something I'd never do. But, she was only speaking the truth when it came to my wishes. I had thought those thoughts… I just didn't want to admit it to myself. "If you really think that, then I guess we don't really know each other all that well, do we?" I told her, wiping the tears from my face. As the words left my lips, I felt the ice-cold shell start to form it's way around my heart once again, protecting me from all the overwhelming feelings of the day. All of Bellamy's hard work to open me up, dethaw my heart, and to make me happy was now being thrown out the window. I was instantly becoming the girl I'd been ten years ago: cold and disconnected.

"Clarke you don't mean that."

"I do!" Clarke yelled, "It was only her and Wells that I told. Who else could have known? Where were you earlier, huh?"

I didn't stick around to hear any more of Clarke's accusations. I pivoted on the balls of my feet and left the murdering room in search of the one person that could make me feel even remotely better: Bellamy.

I ended up at his door, and the moment that it slid open, I threw myself into Bellamy's arms. He'd never seen me like this, so broken, and I could tell from his panic laced questions that he was worried about me. Through my sobbing, I explained what had happened, explained my horrible thoughts to him. Not once did he reprimand me for the horridness of my wishes, he just held me against him, hand rubbing a circle into my back. He tried his best to comfort me, and that was the first night I had stayed with Bellamy. I remained curled at his side the entire night, coming in and out of fits of tears, but each time he just held me, telling me it will be okay-that I was strong and I'd come out on top.

That was the last night that we were happy.

**xXx**

Shortly after Clarke was arrested for conspiring to help Jake, I left the Griffin quarters, moving into a small, empty room of my own. I needed to be alone, to deal with the aftermath of losing another family member, as well as the guilt I felt about lying to the two family member I had left. Being by myself was never something I should have done, and even though I spent lots of time with Bellamy, I spiraled downwards, becoming more and more outspoken-but in the wrong ways-and becoming confrontational. I didn't let people walk over me any more. I locked the sweet and caring girl up inside me, not let her out, and replacing her with someone cold. I was hurting and I took it out on everyone else. Not only was I hurting, but I also believed that I was a horrible person, and I wanted everyone else to think that too, so my personality and attitude reflected that. Eventually I turned my destruction towards my relationship with Bellamy, becoming self destructive. I hated myself and that meant I couldn't have any happiness.

That was the start to the end of Bellamy and I.

* * *

**Oh goodness, okay. I know I shouldn't be starting another story when I have a few other that I haven't updated. But, I have a bad habit of just going where my creativity leads me, and this time it lead me to the 100. **

**I hope you enjoyed this. I tweaked the rule of the Arc a bit with the whole family and one-child rule thing, but I tried to keep it as canon as possible so that I wouldn't alter too much of actual storyline. Hopefully you all understand the progression of time in this chapter. I had a tough time deciding if I wanted the Present to come at the beginning or the end, so I just left it at the beginning. Maybe that was a mistake, let me know.**

**I've also left some thing unanswered (like the existence of Octavia, etc.) and that was on purpose. I can't give away all the dynamics in the first chapter, now can I? **

**Let me know what you think of this opening chapter (that turned into a monster of a first chapter) and of Julian. Also, if you're interested, if you go over to my tumblr page (linked on my profile) you'll find some graphics for the chapters. **

**Leave me some reviews so I know if I should continue on or not. **

**Thank you all!**

**-Allie**


	2. Locked Up and Earth Bound

**Chapter Two: Locked Up and Earthbound**

"_Do it for Clarke_."

Sitting on the cold cot that hung from the wall of the jail sell, feet dangling, I thought about the situation I found myself in. I was a 20 year old sitting in the skybox, waiting in a tiny cell meant for someone no older than eighteen. It almost felt wrong to be in the enclosed room. Well, I was doing something wrong by being here. I was experiencing something that no one after a certain age should. My fingers ran over the smooth, cool surface of the metal bunk I used as a seat and waited. Waiting and compartmentalizing everything that brought me to this very place.

_Do it for Clarke_, Abby had said. And I did, or, rather, I was going to. Although Clarke hated me, I still would do anything for her, and Abby knew that. She was using it to her advantage. It was a cruel thing to do, using my love for Clarke as motivation, but it worked. Without a single thought about what I was about to do, I agreed to my aunt's outrageous request. I was going to the earth with ninety-nine other young delinquents-not that I was delinquent, but still. I was simply biding my time until the guards came for me.

After our hushed conversation in the hallway and after I agreed to throw my future away, Abby rushed me back to my quarters. I couldn't take anything with me because I had to seem surprised once the guards came but I told her that I wouldn't leave without two very important things: my father's sweater and my mother's necklace. It was possible that I was about to plummet to my dead with the other young adults but I wouldn't go without the small pieces of my parents that I had. I would never risk the chance that I might leave them behind-never see them again. So, I donned the sweater-after sixteen years of owning it, the faded article of clothing still hung loose around my body, but I didn't care-and clasped the tarnished jewelry around my neck. Next, I pulled a white knitted beanie onto my head, my blonde braid coming out from underneath it. Finally, I slipped on an Arc-issued jacket. My outfit was nothing special, but it would hopefully bid me well if my feet did touch the ground.

Before leaving the quarters that I'd barely lived in, I took a moment to survey it all. Abby stood beside me, hand resting on my back in a supportive fashion, rupping calming circles into it. I was leaving my home for the wildly unknown Earth. A sense of panic started to bubble within me but I tried to ignore it. I was leaving for a good reason I kept telling the panic within me. Clarke. That was my reason and there was no way I could just let her go without following. I sighed and turned. I couldn't dwell on my life here or my mind would change. If I did, I'd just get overwhelmed and back out of my agreement with Abby. I couldn't do that. I had to make it up to Clarke after all this time, and maybe this was it.

As we sleuthed through the hallways of the Arc, Abby holding my hand protectively. "You sure you don't want to see him before you go?"

I shook my head, unable to form the words to tell her I did not want to say goodbye. It would make this all too real and right now I was perfectly okay with pretending it was all a weird and very surreal dream. I was leaving _him_ behind and choosing Clarke. How could I explain that to him without hurting his feelings? No, I wouldn't see him and it was all for the best. Bellamy and I hadn't been good for a long time and this would all just bring it to an end. Well, choosing to head to the ground finalized our relationship, but I couldn't do that myself by actually telling him. I would leave him with whatever fond feelings for me that remaind. It was the best I could do for him.

"If the Earth is habitable and then we bring everyone to the ground, I'll make sure he's the first one off the ship," Abby promised. I nodded but didn't say anything. So much of that promised hindered on the very low possibility that the dropship would survive it's journey to Earth, along with all the harsh environments the planet had in store. It was all speculation and there was no point in putting hope into it.

We reached the Skybox and crept to one of the vacant cells. Abby grabbed the large handle and pulled it open, a low light flickering alive inside. She stepped aside to let me pass, her lips pulled stight and her eyes looking sad. As I stepped inside the crisp and chill air of the box tickled my face, washing over me like a splash of ice water. I felt bubble panic get a friend-anxiety- and begin to swell as I took in the room in front of me. How could Clarke stand this place? It was horrible. We stepped in together and Abby closed the large metal door until it was only open a sliver.

Abby tenderly took my face in her hands, a motherly but strained smile pulling at her lips. "I know this is hard and that you're probably worrying on the inside, but I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and what you're doing." Abby pulled me into a hug, smoothing my hair down with a free hand. "I love you Julian and am so thankful that Clarke has you for a cousin. You two will need each other, so don't let her stay mad at you for too long, got it?"

Again no words could be formed so all that came was a head nod and a sad smile followed. I wrapped my arms around her waist, returning the warm hug, and burying my face in her shoulder. She was my surrogate mother and it pained me to leave her. Feeling a warm tear roll down my cheek, I broke the hug and hastily brushed it away. "Alright Jules," finally she said, brushing away her own tears. "I'm going to leave you here for the guards to find. Remember to stay calm and don't fight them. You don't want anyone to recognise you and realize that you're not who you're listed as."

"Right. Calm and collected…" I whispered. _That's complete the opposite of me._..

"Exactly. Remember, keep your head down and your hat pulled as low as possible. They can't recognise you." Abby gave me a quick hug and slipped out the door, locking it behind her. There was no turning back now.

Silence settled in and my brave facade gave way. I crumbled to the ground in a heap of anxiety and panic, tears rolling out of me in waves. I didn't know why I was doing or what I was getting myself into. Why'd I agreed to something so reckless. I couldn't do this, I told myself over and over again. I wasn't strong enough, or daring enough, or devious enough to live outside of the Arc. This was home and I couldn't leave it. I was setting myself up for failure and I knew it.

As the terror rushed over me, my body trembling with each horrifying through of things to come. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, hugging my legs to me in an attempt to feel small. There was nothing I could do now, I realized. I was locked in a cell with guards on their way to deposit me onboard the dropship. It was too late for me to back out now. And that realization sucked. I was powerless. I was going to go through with Abby's crazed plan without any chance to reconsider. I slowly started to rock myself.

Eventually the trembling stopped and the tears slowed and vanished. I peeled my aching body from the floor and onto the metal wall cot, where I sat and waited for the guards.

**xXx**

Finally a time came when the door creaked open. I froze in my set, unsure if I should stand or remain seated. I chose not to move. The blue clad men walked in, a electro rod in their hands. I noticed that one had a long, rectangular box. That one moved to the side of the room, placing the box on a ledge jutting out from the wall. I refused to look them in the eyes, so my gaze remained glued to my dangling feet, waiting for them to come to me. The ominous click of the box filled the room and the sound of metal against metal caught my attention. In the hand of the guard was a metal wrist band, one I'd helped design and saw on Abby's work desk.

"Hey, why does her shackle look different?" the guard asked, turning the wristband over.

The other guard shrugged. "I don't know. Just put it on her so that we can get her out of here. These boxes creep me out."

I eyed the door that sat open and inviting. My fight or flight senses flared to life. Without thinking, I bolted from the cot, dipping around the guard standing in front of the door. I was a single step from the door. A single step from freedom.

But, I didn't get there.

I felt a sting against my lower left side, closer to my back. The jolt of electricity ricocheted through my body, causing it to convulse. A cry of pain bubbled from my deep in my throat and I collapsed to the ground, hitting my head on the threshold as I fell.

The metal floor was cold and tempting. Eyes fluttering shut, I lowered my head and prayed that the sudden dizziness would pass. It didn't. Delicately, I touched the top of my forehead. They came back wet and warm. With one eye open, I lowered my fingers, my vision taking a moment to focus. They were coated in a deep red liquid. My blood. I was going to be sick. My vision blurred again and my eyes rolled.

At the sound of boots, I rolled onto my back, using all the effort left within me. They squatted down in unison, sickening smiles on both their face. They found this funny. Assholes. I tried to swat their hands away, tried to kick at them, but they were too fast and I was weak. I felt a piercing prick on my right wrist and at the crook my neck. It took a moment for my mind to catch up but once it did I knew exactly what had happened. It was official: I was wearing a wristband and I'd go down to earth. It wasn't long before I no longer felt any pain-nothing from my head, wrist, or neck.

"Pick her up and let's get to the next one."

That was the last thing I remembered: The reverse free-falling sensation as the guards picked me up by the arms and dragged me from the cell that was mine for only a mere blip in time. Darkness consumed my thoughts and before I was lost to it, I took a hurried glance into the loud, open corridor of the Skybox. The sounds of hundreds of voices filled the room, echoing around me. Their voices were not soothing but rather irritating and I just wanted to shut it out. I closed my eyes, praying that I'd be okay.

* * *

It felt like not time had passed. One moment I was looking out into the Skybox, watching a hundred delinquent teens being ushered from their cells as I was carried out. The next, I was strapped into a metal death container that was shaking around me. I bolted awake, gasping to life. The sensation felt like id just been brought back from the dark brink of death. Everything needed a moment to play catch up. Everything hurt. My body. My head. Every possible inch felt like it was one big bruise.

"The guards must have done a good one on you."

Wincing, I turned to my left as best I could. A young man sat next to me, and a weak but sincere smile greeting me. He was clad in a similar outfit to mine: black beanie contrasted again my white one, a dark jacket was obvious behind the red cross-body straps that held him in, and black pants and boots complete the outfit. Actually, everything about him was in contrast to me-dark skin compared to my pale skin, deep brown eyes mirroring my soft blues. But his whole appearance was put together in a perfect bundle, unlike my messy and disheveled one. But the most interesting thing was the buzzing at the back of my mind that told me I should know him or remember him from somewhere. Everything was too foggy for me to dive that far into my memories. "You look rough," he commented with the bare minimum of a laugh trailing at the end.

"Thanks," I spat out in a combination of a groan and a bark. Pulling my attention from the boy next to me, I looked around. There were boys and girls of various ages pressed into seats and against the walls. Some were still unconscious, others on the brink of hysteria as they thought about their impending doom, and others are full of energy and chatted about the endless possibilities that came once they reached the ground. It was all too much and my groan announced that.

"I'd tell you to put your head between your knees but that would be useless."

"What?"

"The straps," he restated, pulling at the small lee-way that the red bands had. "They say that if you put your head between your knees you'll feel better if you feel a panic or anxiety attack coming on."

I thought about that. I could feel the tentacles of anxiety waiting at the board of my being, waiting for me to open myself up to it willingly. I pushed back against it, refusing to break down in front of everyone. I had a role to play now, an important one and I couldn't collapse this soon into the mission. "How'd you know?" I asked, looking back towards him.

"Well my dad taught me to look for the signs," he answered. "And your face was all scrunched up like you were in pain. So I just assumed."

I wanted to get away from the topic of the panic that lingered at the cusp of my barely put together disposition. So, I changed the subject. "How long have we been falling?"

The boys thought about that for a moment. "Actually not too long. You came too shortly after the drop ship ejected from the Arc. Crazy that they're sending us to the earth, huh?"

I nodded in agreement but I knew it was more complex than just a random decided by the council. We were their test subject, their guinea pigs. I saw no excitement in that. "It will be more interesting once we touched down..."

"If we survive," he pointed out.

"Right." I liked this kid, he was just as skeptical about our survival as I was. We were brought to silence as the ship roared to life with amusement. Someone unbuckled themselves from their seat. I couldn't see who it was, my row of teens was turned away from the the scene. Turning forward again I closed my eyes to the over stimulating scene before me.

"Miller."

"What?" I peaked open an eye and glance toward the boy.

"That's my name," he started forcefully. "Yours?"

I suddenly felt sick and my panic intensified. I'd forgotten the fake name I was wearing. What was the name Abby gave me again? It was there on the edge, rolling around with my anxiety and panic. I tried to calm down and thought about my last meeting with my aunt. "Joan Michael," I answered, blurting the first two names that came to mind.

"Joan... Hmm."

"What?"

"You ask 'what' a lot, you know? Anyways, it's nothing to. I just thought you were someone else..." He replied, brushing the exchange away. "Hey! Why does your have that extra button there?"

I looked down at the button that Miller pointed out. He grabbed my hand and held it next to his own. "See, extra button." He pressed it but nothing happened.

Pulling my hand away, I shrugged. "Probably nothing." I couldn't tell him what it was because I didn't even know. Mine was definitely different from the prototype that I'd seen Abby looking over.

"Good. My conversations helped you calm down. That was another tactic my dad taught me-distract until they don't feel it anymore."

I tried to smile despite the terror that still lingered around me. "Thanks." There was nothing to those words.

Maybe Miller didn't notice how empty my words were, but he ignored it anyways. "It's all good. And I don't know if this helps you at all, but I'm sure most of us on here are feeling the same way. It's interesting but scary at the same time, dropping from the Arc and all that. The possibility of, you know, a fiery death..."

"Oh yeah, that's great. Thanks. Does real well for my anxiety, knowing that…" I pointed out with a very strained and annoyed laugh. I closed my eyes. "You need to learn when to stop talking, Miller. You know that?"

"Some have told me." Miller replied and went silent, the sounds of the other teens filled my senses. "But hey, at least if we do die, we'll be dieing while laugh-."

The drop ship started to jolt back and forth and the lights began flickering at a rapid rate. A large number of the kids on board started screamed until a familiar blue light turned on, and the screens around the ship flickered to life. The image showed Thelonious standing as tall and regal as ever. Without waiting, the sound of his voice filled the small metal ship.

'_Prisoners of The Ark, here me now. You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there._

_If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable. Those crimes will be forgiven, your records wiped clean.'_

"You're dad's a dick, Wells!"

My head snapped around and a small smile quickly appeared on my lips. Wells was here? I strained my neck, trying to to find him. If he was here, then there was only one reason for that-he was here for Clarke too. An odd sensation came over me. Hope. I had a companion. I wouldn't have to face Clarke was someone here, who Clarke was equally as mad at, who could help me show Clarke the light. I made a note to find him as soon as we touched ground. I huffed out a laugh. Clearly we both would do really anything for Clarke. Thankfully we had that in common.

'_Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain 300 people for up to two years. No one ever made it there. We could not spare for you any food or medicine. Mount Weather is life. You must locate those supplies immediately. Your one responsibility is stay alive.'_

The turbulence started to grow stronger and everyone was screaming again as the ship shook. I didn't see any of what happened, but I heard the sound of the drop ship breaking apart. The hiss of air coming from a broken pipe. The sizzling sound of sparks spraying around the room. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing this all to be over. I muttered soothing words to myself, trying my best not to join in with the scream. I only stopped when I felt a warmth in my hand. I cracked open one tightly close eye and glanced down at my hand. Miller's was firmly grasping mine. I started at our two entangled hands, brows knitting together as I wandered why he'd done that. When I glanced up I was not greeted by dark eyes. Instead, he stared forward without breaking his stare. "Everyone needs a little support once in a while…" he said, answering my silent question.

I was about to thank him but the destruction of the drops ship only got worse the longer we fell and the screams rose with the destruction. I held onto Miller's hand for the rest of the journey down to the ground. I wanted to scream along with the others but I held it within me. It bubbled and threatened to spill out louder than ever, but I held on. I wasn't going to scream. I could do this. I had agreed to come down here. There was nothing I could do that would make this part of the journey easy and screaming along with the others wouldn't solve anything. The only thing to do was wait and keep my eyes close. And that's what I did.

It was only when the dropship started powering down, the whirling of the engines dying, that I opened my eyes. Miller and I let go of each other, awkwardly glancing at eachother for a second, and unfastened our buckles. Everyone else was doing the same thing and it made the dropship feel even smaller than it already did. The ship was filled with a haze, making it hard to point out any one, but I tried looking for Wells and Clarke. I couldn't see anything so I started moving.

I left Miller in search of my loved ones. The teens going every which way made it hard for me to look for them but eventually I found Clarke. She was heading down one of the ladders. I grabbed onto her wrist as she started to lower herself. "Clarke!"

"What are you doing here, Julian?" She sneered after her initial surprise passed. "First Wells, now you. Actually, no I don't want to know why you're here. Leave me alone!" With that, Clarke ripped her wrist from my hand and scurried down the ladder.

"Clarke, wait! I have to talk to you!"

"Julian? I thought…" Miller stood behind me, a look of surprise spreading across his face. "Wait, you're _that_ Julian? I was right. We've met before. But, whoa. Shit. I mean, my dad… your dad."

"I don't want to talk about," I told him as I headed towards the opposite ladder-some excited kid grabbed onto the ladder Clarke defended down before I could. I was determined to get to Clarke and make her listen.

Miller's voice managed to follow after me. "Uh, yeah. Got it…"

I lowered myself down the ladder without looking back. I wasn't going to open up to him just yes, and especially not about my parents. I'd only been on earth for a few minutes, it was too soon for that. I was in no place to listen to the horrible opinions that people had of them. If Miller wanted to ridicule my parents, I'd have no part of it. I came down into the under part of the dropship just in time to hear a familiar name being called out.

"Bellamy?" the soft female voice asked. Each syllable of his name hit me hit me like a ton of steel. What was he doing here? Bellamy wasn't suppose to be on this ship. He was meant to be up in space, back on the Arc where I left him.

I clung to the ladder, feeling like I'd fall into a pit of nothing if I let go. I watched the dark hair girl push her way to the front of the crowd. Without hesitation she walked towards Bellamy. My eyes looked him over and I noticed the torn and frayed jacket he wore. A guard's jacket? But Bellamy wasn't with them any more.

I had never gotten the story out of him as to why he'd dropped out of the Guard. All he told me was there was a misunderstanding and he no longer wanted to be a member. I never pushed for information because it wasn't my choice to make. But now I wondered if there was something more and I was a fool for not pushing for more answers.

"Look how big you are," he said the brunette, his expression soft and loving. He was smiling a smile that I hadn't seen from in a very long time. The brunette flung her arms around Bellamy's neck and pulled herself to him. He responded by wrapping his arms around her. There was a part of me-and if I admitted it, it was a large part of me-that was angry about this. Who was she and why was she hugging the man I was in a relation with? Our relationship might not be the greatest right now but that didn't mean I wanted to watch her man-handle him.

I slowly descended down the remaining rungs of the ladder, slowly pushing through. I was too far back and far too short to see anything going on up front. I stopped just out of sight, standing a few steps away from Clarke. My eyes darted to where she was standing and, surprisingly, she was already staring back at me, her expression betraying her. Clarke vaguely knew about Bellamy and probably felt bad for me. "Where's your wristband?" Clarke asked after turning back to the pair.

"Do you mind?" the brunette asked, her tone full of snark. "I haven't seen my brother in a year." She started to turn away but stopped when her attention was caught by what others were saying about her.

"No one has a brother anymore," someone yelled from the back of the room.

"That's Octavia Blake! The girl they found hidden in the floor," another one explained.

My jaw dropped and I wanted to puke. How did I not know this? Why didn't he tell me about her, his sister? It's been five years since I met him and not once did he bring any of that up. There were so many questions racing through me and I felt the sinking sensation of anxiety start to set in. My head began to spin and I felt close to fainting. We'd only been gone from the Arc for a short while but it felt like an eternity had already passed. I wanted to take it all back. I didn't like the idea of being on the ground anymore.

"You didn't hear about her?" Miller asked, coming up beside me. "She was all anyone talked about a year or so ago…"

"I-I didn't know," I answered, and my nervous habit of chewing on my bottom lip appeared. There was so much to ask him. How had I not known. How did I not hear about this? I knew that I was naive to most of the happening on the Arc, but this? This was big news.

"Yeah, she lived under the floor for sixteen years. Apparently, when there was a room check, they stuffed her down there," Miller explained. "You okay? You look a little more shaken by this news than expected."

I was about to brush him off, tell him that I was okay and that it was nothing, but it was then that the door hissed open. Natural light poured into the drop ship, blinding all who were near the front. Instinctively I stepped closer the beauty that lay in front, coming to stand just behind Clarke. For the first time in my entire life, I felt wind dancing around me and pick at any stray hairs. There was something refreshing about being down on the ground. Almost clean, and pure, and untouched. There was no familiar whirl of a purifier or a machine, just the subtle noises caused by whatever creatures lurked off into the distance. This place, I thought, was magical.

Octavia took her first steps out of the drop ship and it seemed like everyone held their breath. Each of her steps was carefully calculated, as if she was making sure the ground wouldn't open up and swallow her whole. Finally, she made it to the end of the ramp. After pausing, Octavia gave a small push and landed on the ground-the real ground. With a thrust of her arms, hands balled into fist, she screamed, "We're back, bitches!"

That was the signal everyone was waiting for. The kids flooded out from the drop ship, bumping past anyone who was in their way-me included. They couldn't leave the dropship fast enough. I watched everyone race down the ramp, cemented to my spot. Their cheers of excitement petrified me. I wasn't strong or confident enough to survive down here. I wasn't ready. The thought terrified me, and my hands began to shake. I curled them into fists to stop them. I was just about to turn back into the dropship and climb to the top level, but Miller ran passed.

"You coming, Julian?" he asked, pausing a few steps ahead.

I shook my head and pointed over my shoulder at the inside the ship. "No, I-I think I'll just stay in here."

"Look, this is the first time anyone's been down here in almost a century. Don't you want to be apart of that?" I looked around the forest and from one happy kid to another happy kid. There was so many dangerous, unknown things that could be waiting just outside the perimeter of the drop site. I didn't want to go out there. But, I had no time to debate leaving, nor did I have a choice because Miller grabbed my hand and started pulling me down the dropship ramp. "Come on scaredy pants. You'll regret waiting."

He dragged me from the darkness of the dropship into the sunlight. I tried to pull my hand back but his grip was firm. "Miller, I really-"

"Julian?"

My name being called was enough to make Miller stop. He let go my hand and I slowly turned around. Standing behind me was Bellamy with a not so happy expression on his face. Seeing him pushed away the fear I had of the ground. My unhappiness with Bellamy over his secrets was far greater than my dislike of the ground. Turning on the balls of my feet, I stomped away from both guys. "I'm not speaking with you," I stated, directing my voice over my shoulder.

I could tell someone was following me, but I didn't check on who it was. Instead, I started walking faster, breaking into a light jog. I was just stepping over an exposed tree root, when whoever was following grabbed my arm, causing me to trip and fall. I landed on the hard ground with a thud-thankfully I didn't hit my head again. I didn't think it could handle any more today. My hand shot out to help brace my fall. Rolling over and onto my back, I stared up into Bellamy's face. I let out a groan of pain and ran my hands through my hair. There was already debris in it. Great. Bellamy bent over and offered a hand to help. He grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. "What are you doing here and what did I do now for you not to talk to me?" he asked in his usual groggy voice.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that you didn't tell me you had a sister!" I spat out, immediately regretting the outburst. I glanced around to see if any one was watching. There was no one in sight. "I saw everything back there Bellamy. Your smile. Her hug. The way she said _brother_."

Bellamy shifted awkwardly but kept his emotions in check. "Julian, listen."

"No, you listen here, Blake," I replied, stepping forward so I could poke him forcefully in the chest. I tried to seem in control but my emotions snuck into my words, showing themselves through my wavering tone. I was angry but I was also hurt, and it showed. "Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered. "I would have understood, unless you thought I was going to run and tattle on you if you did."

I could tell that Bellamy was hiding behind his cold exterior. He was shutting himself off from me. "I know. I know. I wanted to. It's just that I grew up with my mother always telling me not to tell anyone. I just couldn't do it…"

I was close to exploding. How could you be in a relationship with someone if you didn't even trust them with a secret like that-especially when that someone came from a family with siblings. I was hurt. I was angry. I was upset. I wanted to punch his adorably smug face. "That's bullshit, Bellamy!"

"Julian," he whispered, stepping closer and covering my mouth. "Don't do this…"

Slipping out from his grip, I crossed my arms over my chest. "Fine, what did you do Bellamy? What did you do to get on the drop ship? It was only open to teen criminals and you're by far not one of them…"

It was Bellamy's turn to look around, glancing into the shadows of the forest, hoping to catch eavesdroppers. "I can't tell you," he said once he was satisfied no one was around. "But I did what I need to do so I could protect Octavia."

"Hmph." I glanced away, glaring down at some unsuspecting plant. I was being childish but I didn't care. My feelings were hurt and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing that.

"I'm guessing you did something similar to get on that ship, Jules."

I turned my glare on Bellamy. His words treaded on sensitive parts of me. We both weren't suppose to be here but I didn't want to admit that to him or tell him what i'd agreed to. I was convinced that Bellamy had done something bad to get down on the ground, but, the childish side of me wanted him to wonder what I'd done. "If you can keep secrets, then so can I." And without another word, I pivoted and stormed off, leaving Bellamy behind. The sounds of him calling my name slowly faded behind me. I wasn't going to turn around. I was going to stand my ground and leave him hanging. And, because I was too emotionally charged, I decided to take a walk. At least the confrontation with Bellamy cured my hesitation to leave the ship.

* * *

I didn't stay out in the forest alone for long. The eeriness of it made my natural fight-or-flight instincts scream their alarms. As I walked the unfamiliar barely-there path, the sensation of someone following quickly took over. I tried to convince myself that I was just being paranoid because this was all new, but with each step that took me deeper into the woods and farther away from the dropship, the more the feelings intensified. With a quick pivot on my heels, I made a mad dash to back to camp.

Once back at the dropship, I decided that finding Clarke was the right move to make because I was clearly so eager to get my feelings hurt again. I didn't want to leave Clarke on her own too long-that was the sole reason I was here. It wasn't hard to find her, surprisingly. People always flocked to Clarke. She'd always had that presence about her. But, at this moment, a large and menacing group was heading for her and Wells. Some had large sticks, some had parts of the drop ship debris wielded to make a weapon, and a slight few had nothing. There weren't many of the group that I actually recognised so I had no idea what the groups intentions were, but from an outsider's point of view, I assumed that it couldn't be good.

Walking slowly, I inched my way closer towards my cousin and good friend, paying as close attention to what was going on between them. Wells stood protectively at Clarke's side until one of the un familiar delinquents in goggles (not of the on-coming group) walked up to them. Goggles smiled. Clarke looked unfazed. Wells was close to sucker punching the kid. Goggles' face was saved, surprisingly, by the head of the newly arrived group. I recognised him, now that he was closer. It was the kid I'd attacked many years ago in the lunch room. Of course he was part of the delinquents.

Then Bellamy showed up. Followed by Octavia. Now just steps away from everyone on the opposite side of the landing ramp, I could hear all that was being exchanged. Bellamy and co. weren't pleased with having privileged on the ground. Clarke wanted to find food. Bellamy suggested her and Wells do it for everyone. All of Bellamy's voiced thoughts were new thoughts to me. I'd never heard him sound so angry. So full of detest. It made me wonder what he really thought of me, being Clarke's cousin. What his opinions meant for our small and crumbling relationship. Earth was doing a fine and ruining my life and making me question everything I knew to be true. This wasn't how Abby said it would be. I wanted to a refund. I wanted to go home.

"Wells!"

Clarke's cry of his name jostled me and my worries back down to earth. By the time I looked over, he was on the ground and the kid I had attacked as a child stood over him, gloating. Watching this kid-I'd forgotten his name-brought me back to that particular time in the cafeteria. All those thoughts stirred the feelings I had assumed I'd dealt with during my time in the Center. Maybe I wasn't meant to change and grow because, before I realized it, my feet were carrying me over the ramp and through the crowd until I stood next to the boy tormenting my friend. My hand curled into a fist and it shot out, aiming for the infuriating profile in front of me. My knuckles connected with his cheek and it vibrated all the way down my arm. A few gasped could even be heard as silence fell over the newly landed sky people.

With fury coursing through his body, the kid turned to me with his hand poised to retaliate. Seconds before the back of his hand made contact with my face, I winced, turning away. Hopefully my ear could put up with the damage better than my face would. But I had turned for no reason. Cracking an eye open, and the hand was inches away from my face and I had only stopped because someone else had stepped in. The space walker.

"Come on, Murphy. He's got one leg, and she's a girl. How about you wait till it's a fair fight. And don't hit girls."

That was Octavia's cue. "Hey Spacewalker," she cooed with a sultry look that I could never reproduce. "Save me next time."

Her interference made everyone disburse. Wells going one way, and Clark following-not before shooting a nasty look my way. Bellamy was focused on his sister, and Spacewalker decided to follow Clarke. I sighed and shook out my hand. "First you lie about your name, and then you're out here punching Murphy. You're full of surprises, Griffin."

I turned around, almost knocking into Miller. "You're good at that you know. Silently appearing out of no where." Walking away, I paused beside him. "Just Julian. There's too much connected with the Griffin last name. I don't need more people hating me than I already have."

"Fine. Julian it is," Miller replied with a serious nod. "But, I don't hate you. Just so you know…"

"You'd be one of the very few right now." With a small smile and a sad wave, I walked away from Miller once again.

I walked around the drop ship, mumbling about how horrible the ground was and how Abby would pay for this, all while rubbing life back into my numb hand. I was just coming around the opposite side of the ship when I came across the core group: Wells, Clarke, Goggles, Octavia, Bellamy, and another boy I did not know. "Okay. Now lets go."

I stepped in front of Clarke, barring her passage. "Where are you going?"

Arms crossed over her chest, Clarke glared. "No where that needs you. Out of the way." She tried stepping around me, but I mirrored each of her tries. "Julian! Get lost. I don't have time to listen to your stories. Stay behind with Wells. I don't need you watching over me."

"Not until you've told me where you're going."

Something snapped within Clarke and it showed on her features. She stepped closer so that our faces were nearly touching. "What did you do to get down here Julian, huh?"

"I was arrested. I've got a wristband just like you," I told her and held up the wrist in question.

"Fine, keep lying. But we all know that you are, Julian. We know you're not eightteen. And if you did do something wrong, you would have been _floated_." Clarke stressed her final word, knowing how much of an effect it had on me. A lump formed in my throat and I felt the tears star forming. I glanced around the group nervously, eyes darting from one face to another. They were all watching me with skeptical expressions. Tears threatened to make their presence known.

Then, Spacewalker needed to be the hero again. "Look. We're just going to try and get some food. Stay here, watch over Wells, and make sure Murphy doesn't try to kill him again." I forced down the hurt feelings and nodded. I'd stay behind but I wasn't happy about it.

They started to walk away, but I grabbed Spacewalker's arm before he could too. "Watch out for her. We're not on the Arc anymore."

"She's a big girl. Clarke can take care of herself."

"I know," I sighed. "But she's the reason I'm here. I've got to keep her safe."

He glanced over his shoulder at her. "Clearly Clarke doesn't want your help."

"I know," I repeated, sounding like a broken record. "Just don't let her get hurt, okay?"

"What ever you want, older Griffin."

I watched them leave until they were no longer in sight, standing in the same spot for a short while longer. Finally, with a pivot of feet, I stalked back towards camp. I found Wells still sitting on the ground against the dropship, and I slammed down beside him.

"So, you were left behind too?" He asked without glancing in my direction.

"Yeah…"

Over the last year, ever since Clarke was locked up, Wells and I only had each other, and that meant we'd grown closer as friends. Got to know each other without Clarke being the middle-man. Within that time, Wells learned how to read me almost as well as Clarke could. "What's wrong Jules?"

I sighed. "Everything. This whole place is wrong. Everyone is wrong. It's all just wrong." I looked down at my fingers and watched them fiddle with each other. I picked out some dirt from under a nail. "I can't do this," I whispered when it became clear that Wells wasn't going to say anything. "I'm not brave enough. I'm not strong enough. Who am I to kid? I can't watch over Clarke. She hates me."

Without a word, Wells wrapped his arm over my shoulders, bringing my head to rest against' him. I responded by wrapping an arm around his waist in an awkward side hug. "I guess we both had the same idea-coming down here to protect her. How did you find out?"

I told Wells of the events before the drop and Abby's part in my arrival on earth. "So, when Abby asked… Well…"

I could feel Wells' nodded against the top of his head. He understood what I couldn't say. "You couldn't tell Abby no because you feel like you owe her."

"Yeah…"

"So how did you do it?" he asked.

"Abby fake a name and age for me, got me into lock up, and then the guards came and clasped a wristband on me." I held up the metal bangle on my wrist.

"That's why you have a wristband but your guy, Blake, doesn't?" I nodded. "Wait a minute..."

Wells pulled his arm from around my shoulder and clasped down on my monitoring arm. He paired his own hand against mine for examination. "There's something different about yours, Julian. You helped with these, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but only in the initial design phase," I answered. "They weren't suppose to be like this, more wearer friendly. The bangles were only mean to monitor any health issues. Not be a form of communication or anything else like that…"

"What could this mean?" he asked as he compared the two again.

I shrugged, pulling my hand out of Wells' grasp and looking closer at the strangeness of my wrist band. "Maybe they have two types. Mine and someone else's. Maybe the two types send different vidals and such… Different focus groups and all that science stuff..."

Wells looked his over. "I guess we won't know until Abby and my dad get down here."

I sighed. "I guess your right. So, Wells. What did _you_ do to get onto the ground?"

Wells flashed me a sly grin. "Same thing as you. Got myself locked up. I just didn't have a council member watching my back."

I rolled my eyes. "It was Abby, Wells. Even if she wasn't a council member she would have asked me to do the same thing and got me on that drop ship no matter what. Do you think she would have let Clarke go alone?"

"Not really…"

"Exactly my point," I said with a matter-of-factly nod. "Anyways, Wells. I'm glad that you're down here. At least I'll have one uncomplicated friendship while down here." I threw my arms around Wells, pulling him in for a hug. Wells did the same.

I couldn't tell, but a rare smile appeared on his lips. "Same here Jules. And, you may not believe me, but you're probably the strongest of us all..."

* * *

After my heart-to-heart with Wells, I mozzied off to find something to do. I couldn't just sit around as my mind and thoughts got the better of me. I made sure to stay away from Murphy, because I was in no mood to deal with his shitty attitude or confront him. So off I went to find useable wood for the fire tonight. I needed a lot because, well, there was a hundred of us that needed to stay warm overnight, and it needed to be big enough to cook whatever food the others brought back.

I was deep into the wood before I started to feel like I was being followed. Again. I ignored the first few snaps of twigs, passing it off as the movement of whatever wildlife remained on Earth, but then the sinking feeling of eyes on the back of your neck tickled up my spine. I paused where I stood, set down the bundle of wood in my arms, and slowly gripped one of the the more sturdier pieces. This stick wasn't going to do much protection wise, but if I hit what or who ever was following me hard enough, then I could get a head start back towards the dropship. At least I hoped I could. Taking a deep breath, I prepared to attack.

Spinning around, I threw my whole weight into swinging the stick. And, I probably didn't make the best choice, but I closed my eyes in anticipation. I didn't want to see my spoils of self defense. I had expected a to hear a killing thud, but all I got was an unsatisfactory smack.

Cracking an eye open, I nervously glanced upward at my follower.

Bellamy peered back, anger waiting at the edges, and his hand was raised, stopping my attacking stick mid-swing. Even with just a brief glance at his hand, his knuckles white from his iron grip, I knew he'd hurt his hand. I was even sure there had been a trickle of blood going down his wrist. "What are you doing here?" I asked and let go of the stick. It clattered to the ground once Bellamy let go too. "Stop following me."

"What? I'm not allowed to follow you?" He asked, stepping closer. "Like you said, we're still in a relationship. So, if I want to follow you to make sure you're safe, then I can."

"Well, next time, don't." I waved towards his hand. "That should be enough proof that I can watch out for myself."

"It helps, but it's not completely convincing."

I snorted in response and turned my back to Bell. I wasn't a child. I didn't need someone watching over me. To really emphasize my unhappiness, I crossed my arms over my chest. There was so much going on between Bellamy and I right now, but with everything that had happened today, I had no desire to _actually_ deal with any of it. All I wanted was to collect wood for the fire, return to camp, and hopefully find some safe place to sleep for the night. If Bellamy had his way, none of that would be happening tonight.

But, I was caught off guard when a pair of strong arms wrapped protectively around me. "Julian…"

"Don't," I whispered, although I wasn't completely sure what I meant by my single word.

The two of us remained in the same spot, both completely unmoving We weren't good with word nor actions, so it was almost natural for neither to move or speak. We were a couple that was okay with silence. Bellamy bent his head, his forehead resting against the back of my head and one hand slowly moving downward to capture the hand that had the the Arc wristband. "I know you're strong, Jules, but you're also fragile. I need to watch out for you too."

"Like you're doing for the sister that you never told me about?" I whispered angrily. My words killed any affection Bellamy was feeling in that moment, and he forced me to turn around. We shared a heated stare.

"There's a lot about Octavia that you don't understand, but don't hold my protectiveness for her against me," Bellamy warned. "There's a lot more at play here than just me keeping her a secret from you. Julian, she's my sister."

"Well why don't you actually try and tell me what's going on. Let me try to understand," I shot back. "You don't even trust me with the information on how you got on that drop ship." By this point my voice was raised almost to the point of yelling.

Bellamy's lips twitched in anger. I was pushing buttons that would probably release a force stronger than I could weather, but I didn't care. Bellamy needed to know how upset I was. I stared back just as intensely as he was, my defiant look mirrored his angered expression. I had a feeling that Bellamy was telling the truth, but I wasn't happy about it. Anyone being related to you by blood other than your parents was a dangerous thing. I knew that which made Bellamy's secret hurt all that much more.

"I can't tell you all that, not with these wristbands making way for the Arc's probable arrival," he explained, holding up his wristband. His gaze stopped on the wristband on his hand and he went silent, just staring at it. There was no indication on his face about what he was pondering, or if he'd continued at all. I glanced around us, looking deep into the forest. Should I leave? Yeah. I should leave. I grabbed the small pile of sticks near me, adjusted them in my arms so they wouldn't fall, and started to walk away from Bellamy-a handsome skyfallen statue.

But, his hand snaked out and grabbed my wrist in a possessively tight grip. Bellamy slowly turned towards me, his intentions still hidden from his expression. I tried to pull my hand away. "Let go of me Bellamy. What are you doing?"

He started pulling something out from the back of his pants' waistband, his gaze frozen on the wrist he held-the wrist that had the Arc's monitor on it. "I need to make sure the Arc won't follow…" he whispered.

All of a sudden my sad and lonely life flashed before my eyes when Bellamy raised the knife he'd produced from behind him. I wasn't thinking clearly right then, but in that moment I was convinced that the smiling boy I had fallen in love with was set to kill me all so our people wouldn't come for him. I wasn't ready to die. We all survived the drop to earth and I didn't want to miss out on this expression. Most of all, I didn't want to die with Clarke mad at me. I couldn't believe any of this. Bellamy was going to kill me. All I could do was scream. And that's exactly what I did.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**HEY GUYS! Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. I had to deal with the end of semester activities and study for finals, and once that was done I went right into working crazy hours at my two jobs. **

**Hopefully you enjoy this chapter. We're on the ground. I repeated, We're on the ground! **

**There's some subtle indicators about the future of this fic in this chapter but they're nothing big (just yet). **

**Thank you to everyone to fav'ed and followed this fic, and a very special shout out to these lovely people who reviewed: kaljara, xXbriannaXx, c-bellz and the one guest reviewer. Thank you for your lovely and encouraging words. **

**(Hopefully I can get the next one up sooner than I did for this one.)**

**ENJOY **

**-ALLIE**


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